Corrective Action Report (9/28/01)
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On the "Redmond Justice" front, there's no doubt about it: in addition to finding her name wonderfully fun to pronounce (say it soft and it's almost like praying), we really like the cut of Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly's jib. We had a feeling she'd be a terrific replacement for the disgraced Judge Jackson, if for no reason other than the fact that she'd bring a woman's perspective to this whole sad affair-- a perspective that had been sadly lacking. But even more importantly than that, the woman's a pistol.

See, as faithful viewer chollyhead points out, the new judge is sort of taking the "stern mom" approach; according to a Reuters article, Judge Kollar-Kotelly today "ordered intensive settlement talks" between Microsoft and the government. How intensive? Try "24 hours a day, seven days a week" from now until November 2nd. Despite the fact that settlement talks between the two sides have never brought forth an ounce of compromise, the Judge's message is basically this-- "for crying out loud, grow up and work it out already, or I'll work it out for you." If no progress has been made by October 12th, the judge will send in a mediator; if even that doesn't work (and it's already failed in the past), then hearings to determine Microsoft's punishment will commence in March.

If Microsoft's counting on getting its traditional slap on the wrist (like that joke of a consent decree that resulted from its last tussle with the feds on antitrust charges), the company might be in for a shock. Judge Kollar-Kotelly has already smacked down Microsoft's requests that there be limits placed on the range of possible remedies (that's right, breakup fans-- you've still got a chance!) and that said remedies be "limited to only those specific acts that have been deemed illegal." Simply put, the judge ain't havin' it; if no settlement is reached, she'll weigh the evidence and find a fair but effective remedy that will fix Microsoft's wagon, and fix it good. Say, are there Judge Colleen t-shirts available yet? 'Cause we've got a new write-in candidate for the next presidential election.


 
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors
 

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


 

The above scene was taken from the 9/28/01 episode:

September 28, 2001: The free Mac OS X 10.1 update kits will be available at participating Apple resellers tomorrow-- probably. Meanwhile, abusing market research initiatives can be fun and profitable, and the new judge in "Redmond Justice" orders some pretty serious settlement talks before she pulls the trigger...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3329: Maybe The $20 Is Worth It (9/28/01)   So here we are, enjoying 10.1 Eve. Or 10.1 Eve Day. Whatever. Call it what you will; even if you refer to it as "International Puma Anticipation Day" or even "Friday" (you weirdo), the fact remains that for those of us who weren't blessed with Seybold passes, tomorrow marks the first day we can legally get our hands on Mac OS X 10.1...

  • 3330: We LOVE Market Research (9/28/01)   A free upgrade to Mac OS X 10.1 is one thing, but there are even better deals out there for crafty people "in the know." Well, today on AtAT we bring you a very special treat: we're going to reveal the secret of how to score a free PowerBook G4 instead...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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