Short work weeks (especially the Mondayless kind) are supposed to be generally happy occasions, which is why we were a little hesitant to kick this one off with terrifying, catastrophic news straight from the bowels of deepest human despair-- but heck, you folks can handle it, right? If we were to tell you, for instance, that an enormous doomsday asteroid was hurtling toward our planet, no Armageddon-style heroics by Bruce Willis and/or Ben Affleck would save us, and we all faced oblivion in less than seventy-two hours, you'd take it in stride. Likewise, if we were to inform you of a mutant killer airborne virus outbreak that's turning people into something resembling soup at an alarming rate, you might say "eeewww," but you'd do so with a spring in your step and a song in your heart. You are brave, brave people.

Try to keep that in mind, then, when we tell you that the Apple retail stores may soon stop handing out free bottled water at the Genius Bar.

Done screaming yet? For those of you who may not know what all the fuss is about, perhaps you were unaware that at Apple's 27 retail locations, customers can acquire a free bottle of Evian simply by asking a Mac Genius for one. (This is perhaps the best kept secret of Apple Retail Nirvana, followed closely by the fact that all Apple stores have public restrooms that are generally about six gazillion times cleaner than the ones in the mall proper.) While the official party line is that the Evian dispensed at the Apple stores is no different than the stuff available at any convenience store, we've long harbored our suspicions that it's actually some form of Genius Water which imparts Mac wisdom to those who imbibe it. Or maybe it contains a chemical compound that increases one's biological susceptibility to Reality Distortion Field energy. We're not sure.

The point is, the issue may soon be moot, as faithful viewer MattWorld tells us that his local Mac Geniuses have informed him that Apple plans to discontinue the whole "free water" shtick, and that once the current supply is gone, it won't be replenished. The reason, apparently, is that Apple feels it's spending too much cash on the gimmick; reportedly Evian actually makes special 11 oz. bottles just for Apple because the regular 12 oz. ones don't fit in the special Genius Fridges. (Note that all of this is secondhand information and totally unconfirmed by us, mostly because it would break our hearts to find out that something this goofy wasn't actually true.)

So there you have it: the end of an era. (Maybe.) Oh, if only those Genius Fridges could hold standard 12 oz. Evian bottles-- but alas, they can't, and replacing the fridges with larger ones is, of course, completely out of the question, since the Geniuses derive their massive brain power largely via the ancient art of Appliance Feng Shui. Just chalk it up as yet another tragic victim of the economic slowdown, and start planning to quench your thirst at the Orange Julius stand instead...