Free iPod: The Geeks' Turn (10/4/02)
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Longtime viewers will recall that it's something of a tradition 'round these parts for AtAT to tip our audience off to the various ways in which they might acquire a free iPod now and again. For instance, back in February we suggested that you sing at the Grammys, since performers at that sedate and dignified ceremony reportedly received iPod-laden goodie bags in return for shakin' their groove thangs onstage. Then in March we also suggested that you might consider getting nominated for an Oscar, or at least be a presenter, because once again-- iPod goodie bags. See? It's like they grow on trees or something.

"But AtAT," we hear you whine, "I am neither a soulful yet nonthreatening R&B vocalist who tests well with females aged 12-18, nor a big-shot movie star with ties to the mob. How can I, a timid non-entertainer, score a free 'Pod so I can instead blow the $299 on hookers and smack?" Well, Grasshopper, you're in luck, because our latest free iPod scheme requires absolutely zippo in the way of acting or singing talent on your part: all you need is an all-consuming desire for a T1 pipe into your basement so you can download porn just that much faster. (Actually, a business-class DSL connection will do the trick, too.)

Here's the skinny: broadband provider Speakeasy has announced that it's giving away free 5 GB iPods to anyone who signs up for a Business Class Broadband connection by the end of the month. So if you're really jonesing to save $299 on an iPod, all you need to do is commit to spending at least $125 each month for a DSL connection instead. And while we could never ever ever personally recommend DSL as a technology to anyone we even remotely liked, we should point out that we've got friends with Speakeasy DSL service and they're perfectly satisfied with the setup. Indeed, AtAT was actually broadcast via a Speakeasy DSL line for a couple of weeks during our own D-S-HELL saga, back when we were foolish enough to try to make that work.

So there you have it: a free iPod for signing up for business-class broadband. The grand karmic symmetry of this deal, of course, is that if you happen to be the sort of unscrupulous and amoral monster who does this sort of thing, you could then use your new fat pipe to download illegal digital copies of the music and movies made by all those snooty artists who got their iPods for free at awards shows earlier this year. Yeah, that'll show 'em.


 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


 

The above scene was taken from the 10/4/02 episode:

October 4, 2002: Just days after Larry Ellison quit Apple's board, Steve Jobs has given up his role as a director for Gap Inc. Meanwhile, if you're in the market for business-class high-speed Internet access, you can snag a free iPod in the process, and word has it that the iPod can actually be used to download music from the Internet!...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3765: Uncle Steve Goes Gapless (10/4/02)   Everybody do the Boardroom Shuffle! Man, here we always thought that in corporate America the role of any board of directors worth its salt was to hibernate 98% of the time and then emerge from their holes every couple of months, meet in a room with a really big and expensive table, and then fight over who gets the last jelly donut...

  • 3767: It Also Dices And Juliennes (10/4/02)   Speaking of the iPod and unrepentant copyright violation, we just have to kick off your weekend by sharing some absolutely amazing news we discovered by way of the Portsmouth Herald: in an article on peer-to-peer file sharing and its widespread use as a means to pirate digital music and movie content, the paper features a big ol' photo of a hand holding an iPod, and the caption is "Apple's iPod is just one of the many ways to download music from the Internet."...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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