I Also Want World Peace (10/9/02)
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Man, we knew we were sleep-deprived, but who knew that by taking a day off to catch up on some Z's we'd wind up sleeping until April 1st? Apparently we were even more tired than we thought. Overall, we can't say much for this year's crop of joke postings, though. They all look pretty much just like every other day's postings, so we just aren't feeling the laughs. Except for Microsoft's April Fool's Day posting, of course, which we're forced to admit is so marvelously absurd and over-the-top, it actually makes up for all the other lame attempts out there.

You've seen it, right? The "Search for Ms. M.o.X.i.e.," as chortlingly passed on to us by faithful viewer James? Microsoft actually put up a joke page claiming that the company had launched a contest called "Ms. M.o.X.i.e." ("Microsoft Office v.X Integrated Experience," an acronym so forced it sounds like it came out of a Play-Doh Fun Factory), in which the company allegedly seeks to give away $10,000 and a new iMac (complete with a copy of Office v.X, natch) to a "savvy businesswoman" who uses "Microsoft Office for Mac to stay ahead of the pack."

Now, in competent hands, there isn't necessarily anything wrong or offensive about a contest designed to encourage the female entrepreneurial drive. But the fact that Microsoft is purportedly seeking a savvy, "agile" (ahem) Ms. Moxie is masterful enough, particularly since the last documented non-parodic use of the word "moxie" to refer to anything but a near-undrinkable beverage was by a grizzled ex-prospector back in aught-seven. On top of that, though, it was truly inspired of Microsoft to offer up, as an example of the sort of hardcore entrepreneurial woman full of "gutsy determination" (we swear we're not making up these quotes) they're looking for, a photo of Shoshanna Lonstein. In a sundress. No sirree, no business suits here; granted, Shoshanna's business is a fashion line, but still-- are we the only ones flashing on Barbie saying "Math is hard"?

And correct us if we're wrong, but we're pretty sure Shoshanna was Jerry Seinfeld's scandal-bait teenage sweetie-pie whom the comedian had dated when she was 16 and he was about a kajillion years older. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Not to impugn Ms. Lonstein's kill-or-be-killed business instincts, of course, but it was a masterstroke for Microsoft to choose, as a businesswoman poster girl, a woman that it could legitimately show posing in a sundress and whom at least some people might accuse of having exploited her celebrity-dating notoriety to get her fashions into the stores. Pure genius!

So anyway, at the conclusion of this alleged contest, Microsoft will "crown" (once again, we swear-- their word, not ours) some other gutsy entrepreneurial broad (okay, that one was ours) Ms. M.o.X.i.e., and she'll walk away with the ten grand, the free iMac, and presumably a tiara, a sash, and a beautiful bouquet of roses. To think that a major multibillion-dollar company could launch a women-only contest just brimming with stuff straight out of the "Don't" column of the corporate sensitivity training handbook-- why, the satire is simply hilarious. Kudos to Microsoft on an April Fool's prank well done. About the only improvements we'd suggest are the liberal use of the words "gal" and "broad," and an additional entry requirement for a glossy 8x10 of the contestant, sundress optional. Maybe next year?


 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


 

The above scene was taken from the 10/9/02 episode:

October 9, 2002: It's (apparently) official: Macworld Expo is returning to Boston. Meanwhile, Microsoft must be kidding with its new "Ms. M.o.X.i.e." contest, and free iPods abound for motorcycle purchasers and one lucky contest winner...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3768: Big Dig? WHAT Big Dig? (10/9/02)   WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!! Yes! Yes yes YES! Awwwwwww YEAH! Yeah, buddy buddy buddy! Yee-haww! This is the sound, ladies and gentlemen, emitted by a Boston-based online soap opera production staff upon learning that negotiations are complete, and our modest little burg has emerged victorious in its struggle to wrest its rightful booty back from the clutches of the Big Apple...

  • 3770: More 'Pods For The Asking (10/7/02)   In the past we've mentioned several straightforward, simple ways to score a free iPod-- such as performing at the Grammy Awards, becoming an Academy Awards nominee or presenter, or, far more prosaically, signing up for business-class DSL from Speakeasy...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(864 votes)

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