As the Apple Turns: Scene 3788: So Darn Simple It Can't Fail (10/21/02)

So Darn Simple It Can't Fail (10/21/02)

Now, don't panic, people, but as faithful viewer Matt Ball pointed out to us, the research firm IDC issued a press release last week with preliminary market share numbers for computer sales in the third quarter, and based on number of units sold, Apple's not exactly kicking tail out there. The Mac-makers actually finished in fifth place, behind Dell, Hewlett-Packard, IBM, and even Gateway, for Steve's sake. Yes, sad as the fact may be, Apple sold fewer computers in Q3 than a company whose big selling point is that its CEO takes advice from a cow. Moo, indeed.

What's worse, Apple's 462,000 Macs sold in calendar Q3 constitute a measly 3.8% of the overall personal computer market (compared to Gateway's not-quite-so-measly 6%), and that percentage marks a half-point decline from the 4.3% that Apple managed to scratch out in the same quarter a year ago. Clearly this is a trend none of us wants to see continue. "But AtAT," we hear you ask, "what can I, a rabid Mac fan with little more going for me than exquisite taste in online soap operas, possibly do to alleviate this terrible situation?" Well, Sparky, we're glad you asked that, because being the brilliant strategists that we are, we've devised a surprisingly simple plan that can at least put Apple out in front of the talking cow company when the numbers emerge next quarter.

Ahem. Ready for this? Here's the plan: run right out and buy twenty-seven Macs. Or if you were already going to buy a Mac, buy twenty-eight. The important thing here is that you buy twenty-seven more than you were going to purchase already.

See, we figure we've got roughly ten thousand viewers out there who tune in often enough to see this particular episode before it shuffles off into Reruns. If all ten thousand of you purchase twenty-seven Macs by the end of the year, you'll boost Apple's unit sales number by 270,000-- which, had it happened in Q3, would have vaulted Apple right past Gateway and into third place. And remember, IDC's only counting unit sales, so they don't even have to be Power Macs or anything like that; twenty-seven entry-level eMacs will do just fine, if you're on a budget.

And just think-- if each of you loyal Mac fans buys a mere 307 Macs instead, Apple might even knock Dell out of the top spot! (Maybe.)

SceneLink (3788)

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The above scene was taken from the 10/21/02 episode:

October 21, 2002: The slapfight continues, as IDG hints at possibly banning Apple from the January Macworld Expo unless the company agrees to show up in New York and Boston as well. Meanwhile, Apple announces ten new retail stores due to open within the next five weeks, even as the company's market share dips under the 4% mark-- but not to worry, because we have a cunning plan...

Other scenes from that episode:

3786: Right Back Atcha, Steve (10/21/02) Christmas in October, that's what it is; there's simply no other way to describe the increasingly entertaining events unfolding over this whole Macworld Expo Boston tussle. What wondrous, life-elevating task did we perform to deserve such a windfall of melodrama?...
3787: Ten Stores, Five Weeks (10/21/02) No foolin', Jed; that there Retail Train just keeps on chug-chug-chuggin' along, despite maybe having lost a little bit of steam. Why, this past weekend alone Apple opened another new store in Orlando, Florida at the interestingly-spelled Mall at Millenia...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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