Okay, folks, it's been over three whole days since we gorged ourselves silly on potatoes and pie, and we're just about recovered enough from the overdose of complex carbohydrates to classify ourselves as once more marginally among the living. We're up (sort of), we're moving (slightly), and we're totally plugged back in to all things Apple. So now that Turkey Day is over and we find ourselves plodding resolutely through the "D" month, what's the haps, you ask? What's the skinny? What's the single most vital and significant issue on the Mac scene today? Well, we'll tell you: it's Teen Switcher Intrigue.

That's right, people, such trivial stuff as the topic of next month's Stevenote isn't so much as a blip on the radar compared to the antagonism brewing amongst the adolescent Switcher set. Most of you have probably memorized every word of the recently posted Ellen Feiss interview and could recite it backwards while hanging upside down from your ankles and being pelted with Milk Duds, so we hardly need remind you of Ms. Feiss's comments on the subject... but we will anyway, mostly because we're filling space, here, but also because it gives us a chance to credit faithful viewer Josh Lewis for sliding us the reminder, and he seemed desperate for the mention. (You can thank us later, Josh; tens and twenties will suffice.)

Thus quoth Ellen: "Me and Hamilton have decided that our new nemesis is Jeremiah Cohick. He's our age, and he's trying to steal our limelight! We decided we don't like him. We're out to get him."

Hamilton, of course, is Hamilton Morris, Ellen's fellow Switcher who is drunk with power after squishing a couple of hundred CDs into his iPod. Jeremiah, meanwhile, is the former Mac-basher who now entreats the unschooled to "get out of their Windows world." Now, granted, Jeremiah's in college, while the Ellen-Hamilton duo is still of high school ilk, but in a knock-down, drag-out, back-alley throwdown, we really have to assume that the whole two-against-one thing far outweighs any advantage that might arise from a more advanced level of schooling. In short, Jeremiah's likely to get his ass handed to him-- even if Ellen is doped up on Benadryl-- if he doesn't round up some support before he gets double-teamed.

Enter the latest of the Teen Switchers! Faithful viewer Alex Schoknecht tipped us off last week to a new Switch ad featuring-- by a stunning coincidence of truly epic proportions-- Alex Schoknecht. What we know is that Alex is a high school Mac user who's tired of fixing his dad's Wintel every three days. What we don't know is if he packs a shiv-- or whether he's yet been enlisted by Jeremiah Cohick as muscle in the inevitable doomsday showdown with Ellen and Hamilton. If Alex has indeed signed on with Team Cohick, then we're all looking at a much more balanced fight, and somebody's probably working on acquiring the Pay-Per-View rights even as we speak.

If, on the other hand, Alex decides to join forces with Ellen and Hamilton instead, well, then Jeremiah is pretty well screwed. But given Ellen's reason for disliking Jeremiah in the first place, it seems pretty likely to us that Alex (who's presumably even closer to Ellen's age than College Boy) is probably already topping the official Ellen Feiss Enemies List. Our money's still on a Cohick-Schoknecht alliance of necessity, and an ensuing battle of such ferocity that it'll be immortalized in song. Or possibly a mini-series.