Bay State Justice, Buddy (12/2/02)
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Thanksgiving had come and gone by the time we'd heard the news, but we're still giving thanks that we live in the only state in the union with the sheer bloody-mindedness necessary to drag "Redmond Justice" out even further. You will, of course, recall that a month ago Judge Kollar-Kotelly finally approved the proposed settlement (with minor changes) between Microsoft and the Justice Department, much to the chagrin of courtroom drama fans everywhere. Once that happened, the only chance that "Redmond Justice" would continue was if one or more of the nine "holdout states" appealed the decision, which looked increasingly unlikely given the current political climate and the ever-strengthening certainty that-- let's just face it, here-- one way or another, Microsoft's gonna walk.

So, like we said, it does our hearts proud to hear that Massachusetts Attorney General Tom Reilly is the proverbial wiener dog clamped firmly onto the leg of the Redmond Gorilla and absolutely refusing to let go. Faithful viewer Danial Hocson informed us that, last Friday, ol' Tom get up and announced that the Bay State alone would challenge the Judge's ruling and kick the case back to the Court of Appeals. According to the Seattle Times, since seven of the nine states decided to stop fighting, this whole sordid mess "would have effectively ended [last] week if it weren't for Massachusetts." (West Virginia's still on the fence due to money troubles.) Says Reilly, "Microsoft has been found to have repeatedly violated the antitrust laws of this state and this country. We believe that a remedy must send a message that breaking the law does not pay." You go, Tom!

Now. we know what you're all thinking, and for the record, no, AtAT had absolutely nothing to do with Reilly's remarkable decision to go it alone: no bribes, no blackmail, not so much as a letter to the man's office. But now we're going to have to send the guy a muffin basket or something, because persevering alone when the Feds and eighteen other states have all been beaten down by Microsoft's seemingly limitless endurance, well, clearly that's a decision that deserves a few baked goods.

As for law professor Ernest Gellhorn's comment that he's glad he's "not a taxpayer in Massachusetts, because it's money wasted," well, let us lay a little science on you, here, Ernest: here in Massachusetts, wasting money is a time-honored tradition. Heck, we've poured so much tax revenue into black holes like the Big Dig, we figure that throwing a few more bundles of cash on the fire in the interest of irritating Microsoft is money well wasted. So nyaaaahhh.

 
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors
 

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 12/2/02 episode:

December 2, 2002: There's a new Teen Switcher on the scene; will he restore the balance of power? Meanwhile, if you haven't yet experienced the sublime beauty of a Jaguar kernel panic, now there's a remarkably easy way to cause one, and Massachusetts alone decides to appeal Judge Kollar-Kotelly's decision, thus keeping "Redmond Justice" on the air for another half a season, at least...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3868: Hell-Bent For Conquest (12/2/02)   Okay, folks, it's been over three whole days since we gorged ourselves silly on potatoes and pie, and we're just about recovered enough from the overdose of complex carbohydrates to classify ourselves as once more marginally among the living...

  • 3869: 29 Keystrokes To Meltdown (12/2/02)   Apple lists "over 150" features and improvements in Jaguar that didn't exist in previous versions of the Mac OS, such as iChat, Rendezvous, and an improved Calculator (oooooo), but for some reason the company's been somewhat silent about one of Jaguar's biggest improvements of all: the new kernel panic!...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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