As the Apple Turns: Scene 3940: Tomorrow: Seattleite Of Love (5/9/03)

Tomorrow: Seattleite Of Love (5/9/03)

Mac-using Seattleites, your time of salvation is at hand! Less than a day remains before the Apple Store Bellevue Square throws open its doors and finally ushers in the Pacific Northwest's own Age of Relatively Non-Sucky Retail. Now that Apple has over fifty stores scattered (well, sort of scattered) across this great land, the average Apple retail grand opening is no longer the take-a-sick-day, drive-hundreds-of-miles, get-in-line-at-3-AM, party-with-fellow-Mac-fiends-until-your-knees-fall-off occasion it once was-- but given the significance of this particular event, we expect that the grand opening celebration will be a massive and memorable affair. Why, we bet some people will drive all the way up from Tacoma. Maybe even-- dare we say it?-- Olympia.

(Whereas the line at the grand opening of the Apple Store Walt Whitman, the seventh Apple retail outlet in New York State, will likely consist of the cartoon character Droopy Dog waving a little flag and intoning, "I'm so happy.")

Why is this such a big deal, you ask? Because the Apple Store Bellevue Park is within spitting distance of Redmond, placing it, if not exactly in the belly of the beast, then at least somewhere in the general vicinity of the beast's left nipple. Indeed, faithful viewer Dan Schwartz notes that Apple's new store is so close to Bill Gates's house, it's practically in the man's backyard. In fact, Dan even put up an alternate Bellevue page just for Bill, with directions to the store directly from Casa Gates. Turns out that Bill only has to drag his butt 2.6 miles and past the country club to see all of Apple's latest and greatest on display, so if you go to the grand opening, keep your eyes peeled, because you might just happen to spot the guy licking all the copies of Office X.

Let us just take a moment to go on the record here and state in no uncertain terms that we are firmly opposed to any Mac fans using that map to find their way from the store to Bill's house, armed with rolls of toilet paper, cartons of eggs, and dog feces in easily-ignitable paper bags. We don't cotton to that sort of thing at all. Nope. Nuh-uh. So if you're planning something untoward and hilarious after the grand opening involving trespassing and petty vandalism at the Gates residence, just leave us out of it. That means you, John Moltz!

But, uh, send us an iDVD, okay?

SceneLink (3940)

And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

The above scene was taken from the 5/9/03 episode:

May 9, 2003: The Apple Store Bellevue Square opens tomorrow-- 2.6 miles from Bill Gates's house. Meanwhile, Smith Barney upgrades Apple's stock rating (sort of), and Microsoft responds to Apple's security flaw by showing 'em how the pros do it...

Other scenes from that episode:

3941: Analysts Have REAL Powers (5/9/03) You know, even if you're more likely to kiss a diseased stoat full on the lips than actually buy anything from Apple's iTunes Music Store, you have to admit one thing: it was a good move on Apple's part if for no reason other than the massive boost its stock price has received...
3942: Okay, Fine-- Microsoft Wins (5/9/03) Say, remember a few days ago when we mentioned that Apple had fixed a security flaw in its web site that allowed clever but naughty people to take control of any Apple ID by arbitrarily resetting its password?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


	As an Amazon Associate, AtAT earns from qualifying purchases


	DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up. Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers." Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2024 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).