Analysts Have REAL Powers (5/9/03)
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You know, even if you're more likely to kiss a diseased stoat full on the lips than actually buy anything from Apple's iTunes Music Store, you have to admit one thing: it was a good move on Apple's part if for no reason other than the massive boost its stock price has received. In the two weeks of trading since Apple unveiled its foray into the commercial music biz, AAPL has jumped about four and a half bucks, or roughly 33%. Not too shabby. (Coincidentally, though, that's the same time frame since we've returned to the airwaves. Do you suppose that the increase in stock performance is actually because of... nahhhhh.)

Anyway, it seems that the Wall Street analysts are finally starting to climb on board. According to CBS MarketWatch, Smith Barney analyst and known smartypants Richard Gardner had a major epiphany and declared that he was upgrading AAPL from "underperform" to "in-line." (Oooooo.) Yes, due to the early success of the iTunes Music Store, Mr. Gardner has raised his price target on Apple's stock from $15 a share to a whopping $18, adding that "while our revised target suggests little upside potential, we see relatively limited downside potential from current levels as well." Gee, thanks, Dick. Don't fall all over yourself in your rush to praise Apple or anything.

Then again, a stock price upgrade pretty much guarantees a price boost of some degree, so it's like money in the bank, and we'll take a backhanded compliment over no compliment any day of the week (well, except Sunday-- that's our "Me Time") as long as it comes attached to some cash. Heck, we're not proud; pay us five bucks and you can call us just about anything you want right to our collective face and we'll smile while you say it. (That's the consumer price. Education customers get a price break, and know-it-all analysts have to shell out a twenty. C'mon, you can afford it, you maestros you.)

Of course, you really have to wonder about these wunderkind analysts who raise a stock's price target to $18 from $15 when said stock is already trading at over $17.50 and rising. At broadcast time, AAPL had indeed managed to breach the $18 barrier, entire hours after Gardner's amazing prediction. Where, oh where do these analysts get their divine insight into stock market behavior? So in awe are we of Gardner's astounding predictive powers, we're starting to think he might even be able to foretell what TV shows will broadcast on what channels up to a full day in advance, armed with nothing more than a current issue of TV Guide. Strange, yet odd!

 
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The above scene was taken from the 5/9/03 episode:

May 9, 2003: The Apple Store Bellevue Square opens tomorrow-- 2.6 miles from Bill Gates's house. Meanwhile, Smith Barney upgrades Apple's stock rating (sort of), and Microsoft responds to Apple's security flaw by showing 'em how the pros do it...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3940: Tomorrow: Seattleite Of Love (5/9/03)   Mac-using Seattleites, your time of salvation is at hand! Less than a day remains before the Apple Store Bellevue Square throws open its doors and finally ushers in the Pacific Northwest's own Age of Relatively Non-Sucky Retail...

  • 3942: Okay, Fine-- Microsoft Wins (5/9/03)   Say, remember a few days ago when we mentioned that Apple had fixed a security flaw in its web site that allowed clever but naughty people to take control of any Apple ID by arbitrarily resetting its password?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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