"Pssst... Hey, kid... Wanna try Windows? Go on, all the cool kids are doing it. The first hit's free. Just click that Start button, there..." Ah, the malevolence of early indoctrination; hook 'em when they're young and you've got a loyal customer for life. And while that might sound a tad unsavory when applied to the tobacco industry or the drug trade, it takes on a positively evil slant when you're talking about Windows use. The stuff is in our schools! Our schools, can you believe it? How on earth are we to protect our children? After all, here at AtAT we believe that children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it...

Um...

Let's try that again, without slipping into diva mode. Basically, we figure that shielding our kids from the evil of Windows is absolutely essential, and applying the ever-popular principle of the end justifying the means, that includes acts like manacling them to a wall in the basement, sawing off their legs (humanely, of course), or, as modestly-- and presciently-- proposed by Jonathan Swift in the 18th century, eating them. Sure, some of these methods may seem a wee bit harsh, but really, anything's better than letting the next generation start down a long road of chronic Windows exposure that eventually leaves them tasteless, dead-eyed, and numb in some fluorescently-lit cubicle somewhere, condemned to the twilit unlife of the terminal Windoid.

Besides, Windows exposure prevention doesn't necessarily have to be a grim proposition; there are some less drastic alternatives to amputation and cannibalism, and some even have the added benefit of exposing our kids to the elegance and beauty of the Mac. For example, faithful viewer James Ferguson tipped us off to Apple Camp, Apple retail's own contribution to the prevention of juvenile Windows exposure. Just buy a Mac at any Apple retail store between now and August 10th, and you can send your first-through-ninth-grader to Apple Camp free of charge, where he or she will engage in "fun, hands-on workshops" right in your local Apple store. What better way to keep your offspring away from the perils of Windows use than to expose them to a far less dangerous (and far more attractive) alternative?

But what about when the kids return home from camp? No worries-- you'll have that new Mac you bought, which will serve as an eternal reminder of the elegance and inherent simplicity of the Light Side of the Force. And should they ever stray, say, when they hit high school and a bad crowd persuades them to get a Dell for playing all the games that aren't available on the Mac, hey, you can always shoot them. More time on the Mac for you!