Okay, you know things have gotten out of hand when even the jokes stop being jokes and start being business models. The downloadable music business is officially a gold rush right now (well, except for the complete and utter lack of gold), as every company on the planet falls all over itself in a mad dash to establish an online music service in time to grab its share of that sweet dollar-a-song action that's all the rage these days. Unfortunately, everyone's so hungry for their slice of the pie that no one seems to care that what they're killing themselves to build is a way to lose money. We seriously doubt that anyone's getting a better wholesale deal than Apple, and Apple admits that at 99 cents a song the iTunes Music Store barely breaks even; the whole point is to sell iPods, not music. So what are the odds that any of the zillion other companies clambering onto the bandwagon are going to strike it rich?

Sounds to us like "Downloadable Music" is the "Dot-Com" of the new millennium; Apple has a hit with the iTMS and before long pay-per-song services arrive by the truckload in the form of MusicMatch, BuyMusic, Napster, Walmart, the Dell Music Store, Hewlett-Packard's imminent offering, etc. etc. etc. If the Dot-Com era was all about losing money to capture eyeballs (and then having no idea what to do with said eyeballs once captured, and not having any money left to do anything with them anyway), then the Downloadable Music rush is all about losing money to capture eardrums.

Case in point, and the first incontestable sign that the race has just gotten completely silly: The Guardian reports that the latest corporation to announce a downloadable music store is none other than Coca-Cola. (Yes, that Coca-Cola.) Come January, MyCokeMusic.com will offer "everything from Britney Spears to Coldplay" (translation: "everything from Top 40 to Top 40") to "residents of Great Britain aged 12 years and over" for 99 pence a tune. Why this is a Britain-only thing we can't guess, but to try to puzzle that out is to miss the fundamental wackiness here, which is that the downloadable music fray has now been joined by a major soft drink manufacturer for some reason.

Coca-Cola claims the rationale is as follows: "Consumers have told us that downloading music is confusing and complicated and what they want is an easy, simple to use downloadable service from a trusted brand." Okay, that much we can believe. What we aren't so ready to swallow is the idea that Coca-Cola was the brand consumers had in mind. "Gosh, downloading music sure is confusing and complicated; we wish someone would make the process simpler-- perhaps some company specializing in human interface design, user-friendly technology, and (most importantly of all, since we are talking about downloadable music, here) putting sugar into brown fizzy water."

No, we haven't forgotten about Apple's promotional tie-in with Pepsi slated for February, but using popular music as a promotional tool is practically mandatory-- and Pepsi isn't launching its own download service. True, what Coke is doing isn't all that different (despite its claim that it's just doing this because customers demand its technical expertise), and any money it loses on song sales would just be written off as brand awareness marketing expenses. Still, though, if you don't find something a tad askew about a company boldly proclaiming "we sell refreshing carbonated beverages (and, now, downloadable music you can listen to while you drink them)," well, clearly you people are far weirder than we'll ever be. When the Vlasic Pickle Music Store opens in March you probably won't even bat an eye.