Hey, pardon the lateness, but you know, we're just getting in from those fabulous after-hours Oscars parties where we've been whooping it up with Hollywood's A-list for about twenty hours straight, so we're pretty exhausted. Well, maybe not "parties," technically speaking; more like "gatherings." Of, well, us. Likewise, we weren't hanging with the A-list, exactly, but close enough. Okay, fine, it was the A-Team, are you happy? Our after-hours Oscar celebration consisted of a twenty-hour A-Team marathon, six bags of Ruffles, and two quarts of Silk Nog we found in the back of the fridge left over from last holiday season. (At least, we hope it was from last holiday season.) We weren't at the Oscar parties because we weren't invited. But are we bitter? Heck, no. We'd much rather spend an evening with Howlin' Mad Murdock than Charlize Theron.

Who are we wearing? We're wearing freakin' bathrobes, you ninnies. And no, we won't tie them shut.

That said, at least Apple and its half-sibling-by-CEO Pixar had a good night. Apple even issued a press release to celebrate the "seventh consecutive year Apple's Shake compositing software has played a crucial role in the film winning the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects." (Of course, "Apple's Oscar Winning Streak" technically isn't as long as Apple suggests; the company has only owned Shake for two years, but who's counting?) Yes, The Return of the King whupped some serious Oscar butt, for visual effects and otherwise, further proving that Apple's purchase of Shake's creator was a solid investment, while also vindicating the long-overlooked director of such classic cinema as Braindead and Meet the Feebles. It was a great day for porn-making puppets and killer intestines the world over.

We have to admit, though, we're a little surprised that Apple's press release limited the company's contribution to the Best Visual Effects award; the 11-Oscar King sweep honors tons more Apple technology than just Shake. Some of you probably recall that the Hollywood Reporter noted a month ago that when director Peter Jackson was in the UK overseeing the scoring of the film, his New Zealand tech crew uploaded digital footage to a secure London server each day, where it was then transferred to Jackson's 30 GB iPod and dropped off at his house. Jackson then reviewed the dailies right off the iPod, connected via FireWire to his PowerBook G4, which was in turn connected to an Apple Cinema Display. The crew's only regret? That iChat AV and the iSight came out too late; they'd relied on a $15,000 videoconferencing system to compare notes on the dailies in real time. But hey, it's not like they didn't have a budget.

As for Pixar, well, snagging Best Animated Feature Film for Finding Nemo was obviously the big news of the night-- and one more "in your face!" to Michael Eisner, since Nemo beat out Disney's own Brother Bear. (Note to Eisner: when both Billy Crystal and Robin Williams use you as gag fodder, it's quite possibly time to call it a day.) Meanwhile, the Disney-Pixar drama continues apace; faithful viewer Randal O'Toole noted a passing mention in the Star Tribune that anti-Eisner firebrand and heir to the throne Roy Disney makes no secret of his alliance with the Jobsian animation firm: "Disney and Coppola were joined in jolly conversation by several people from Pixar." How's that for a conspiracy hiding in plain sight?

If only Roy Disney's Destino had won Best Animated Short Film; just imagine what Roy would have to say about Eisner during his acceptance speech. Maybe ABC could have used that five-second delay...