Fan mail? Sure, we get fan mail! Mostly it's by newcomers who aren't yet aware of the fact that writing to us is potentially an act of utter futility, what with our unread message count having reached 5,125 and all, but every once in a while we'll be contacted by an AtAT newbie who proceeds to gush embarrassingly all over our inbox-- which gets messy, sure, but it's still pretty cool. Often these bright-eyed young'uns ask the same basic questions: "How is it that your material seems so effervescent and insane?" "When the heck do you sleep?" And "what's with the major animosity towards Michael Dell?" Grizzled veterans of AtAT's early days are well aware that the answers are "we don't sleep," "see answer to question #1," and "because, way back in '97 when you were all just wee lads and lassies, Mr. Dell made a lame crack to the press about shutting Apple down and giving the money back to the shareholders."

That was six and a half years ago, and yet we still hold a grudge-- mostly because we're good at it, but also because Dell's a pretty easy target given his total lack of imagination in any context outside of How To Buy Cheaper Screws™ and his apparent psychotic obsession with copying Steve Jobs's every move. Plus, we still get really irked when publications like USA TODAY interview him (thanks to faithful viewer Paul Detzler for the tip) and refer to him as "the man who revolutionized the PC business by listening to customers rather than competitors." It's actually pretty true, though; while lots of average shmoes get all dewy-eyed when gazing at those purty lil' Macs that keep popping up on all of their favorite TV shows, when it comes to laying out any actual cash, the market demands cheap, crappy Wintel dreck at the lowest conceivable sticker price-- and Dell is more than happy to provide it.

Well, okay, maybe it's not that bad (cougheMachinescough), and Mikey has clearly at least taken a lesson or two in the art of tact, because he's much nicer to Apple when speaking to the media these days. When asked about the resurgence of the company he once proposed shutting down, he had this to say: "If you go look at where jet engines are designed, for example, you might be curious to note that more than half are designed on Dell computers. What Apple has done is build the Bang & Olufsen of the computer industry-- very nice products, but they've priced themselves out of the mainstream market."

Now, apart from rendering us utterly terrified ever to set foot on any jet aircraft again, that statement also makes it clear that whatever antipsychotic medication Mike's on these days is messing a bit with his logic registers, because even with our chronic sleep deprivation (which tends to make even David Lynch movies seem to make perfect sense), we're hard pressed to see why he apparently defines the "mainstream market" as "the guys who design jet engines." But hey, admitting that Apple makes "very nice products" is a definite step up from proposing that One Infinite Loop be boarded up for good.

Then again, you have to wonder just how up front Mikey is being, here; after all, this is a guy who's been known to lie to the press in the past, and if Apple's products are all too expensive for the mainstream market, why is the iPod still selling like gangbusters? Granted, he was talking about computers, not music players, but we don't think it's too far off the mark to ask why Dell felt compelled to slash the prices on its own copycat MP3 players earlier this week, as reported by Reuters. Sure, one analyst (without citing any numbers) says that the players have "done well" and "this is not a fire sale," but no one cuts prices by 20% if the product is selling well already. Sounds like Mikey's learning that cheaper doesn't always win.