As the Apple Turns: Scene 4197: Dell Psychosis Scene #3001 (9/10/03)

Dell Psychosis Scene #3001 (9/10/03)

Ever wondered why our frequency of "Mike Dell is copying Steve Jobs" scenes has dropped precipitously over the past year or so? Here's a hint: it's not because Dell finally started innovating all on its lonesome. Here's another hint: it's also not because our frequency of scenes period has dropped precipitously over the past year or so. Smart guy. (Sheesh, take eight or nine unscheduled extended hiatuses and you never hear the end of it. Somebody better warn the folks at Crazy Apple Rumors Site that if they aren't back soon they may as well start sewing scarlet A's on all their clothing. Or S's. Something, anyway.)

No, the real reason we haven't trotted out that age-old classic for a while is because we just plain got sick to death of it. Yes, okay, Mike Dell hasn't got an original bone in his body. Given that we've mentioned that fact in approximately 3,000 of AtAT's 4,197 scenes, we're guessing people have probably figured that out by now. And while some part of us does indeed enjoy the irony of deriding a captain of industry for being unoriginal by pointing out that he's unoriginal over and over and over again (in other words, we're being just as unoriginal, but at least he's making some cash at it), we always knew that eventually we'd have to stop falling back on the same hackneyed old standard just because it's easy.

Ha! You probably fell for that, didn't you? Sucker.

Check it out: faithful viewer americanuck notes a story over at SaturnFans.com which reports that customers who buy or lease any 2003 Saturn vehicle by the end of September will get a free Dell personal computer. Gee, where on earth do you suppose Mike "Call Me Steve-- No, Really, Do It, Dammit" Dell got that idea? Does anyone else see just a smidge of similarity between "Buy a new Beetle. Get a new iPod." and "Buy a Saturn, Get a Dell"? Of course, there's an important difference: whereas the free iPod comes with a car kit so that it's actually a Beetle accessory and the promotion makes some sort of sense, the free Dell is a desktop model that you couldn't use while driving your new Saturn without seriously endangering life and limb. Actually, we take that back: we suppose you could use it as ballast to improve traction in winter weather. But heck, it's not even ideal for that, since it comes with an LCD display instead of a heavier CRT. Bummer, huh?

So despite being yet another psychotic Dell rip-off of All Things Apple (specifically the "Pods Unite" promotion), the Saturn-Dell tie-in is about as random as it gets, Saturn's spiel about the "younger Saturn target buyer's desire for the latest technology" notwithstanding. (And by the way, a 2.2 GHz Celeron is the "latest technology"? Who knew?) But come to think of it, if we were forced to use a Dell, we suppose it'd be convenient to be at the wheel of a moving vehicle so we could aim for the nearest brick wall and end our misery.

SceneLink (4197)

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The above scene was taken from the 9/10/03 episode:

September 10, 2003: Motorola's still lagging on the G4 production, and Steve's starting to get nasty about it. Meanwhile, IBM announces two new chipmaking improvements that ought to boost performance by something like 65%, and Mike Dell hatches a promotion with Saturn that looks kindasorta familiar...

Other scenes from that episode:

4195: Crackin' Skulls Steve-Style (9/10/03) Geez, if you had told us back in the mid-'80s that in less than two decades' time we'd be praising IBM to the skies as Apple's golden savior while cursing Motorola as the Mac's near-downfall, we'd have force-fed you a lithium and sent you merrily on your way...
4196: Zippier Chips From Big Blue (9/10/03) Speaking of IBM's continuing role as Apple's fairy godmother (fairy chipmaker?), just for giggles, why don't we recap the number of times in the past few years that IBM has pulled a Great Gazoo to hoist Apple's bacon out of a Motorolan fire?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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