So just where the holy heck have we been, you loudly demand? Alas, 'tis a tale far too long, too epic, too bursting with entertainment value to be wedged into the confines of this sorry ol' soap. Besides, if we told you the unexpurgated truth about our adventures lo these past eleven weeks, you'd laugh, you'd cry, you'd finally know what it is to taste the divine... and we're not licensed by the FCC to dish out Cosmic Oneness and Inner Peace. (We can, however, tell you that the divine tastes a little like chicken.) Nevertheless, we'll give you the short version to chew on: pesky lemurs. 'Nuff said, right?

We'd also like to take a moment to dispel a few of the rumors we've seen swirling around as to the nature of our sudden unexplained disappearance. No, none of the AtAT staff has been afflicted with SARS, flesh-eating bacteria, or fatal nose warts. No, we're not mounting a silent protest against the cancellation of Firefly. No, Steve Jobs is not blackmailing us into silence; we've already come clean about that unfortunate misunderstanding with the bottle of Jack Daniels and the duck wearing a tutu, so he's no longer got anything on us. And lastly, we did not-- repeat, DID NOT-- sell out to Microsoft. Uh-uh. No way, no how.

Because, frankly, what Bill was offering was tantamount to a slap in the face. What does he mean, we're not qualified to sit on the board of directors?

So are we back in the saddle? Not by a long shot. Things are just as stupid busy as ever, time continues to pass at an ever-accelerating rate (curse you, Einstein! EIIIINNNSTEEEIIIIINNN!!!!), money keeps dwindling so resources occasionally need to be spent on actual paying gigs (incidentally, did anyone see Jack's April Fool's article in this month's MacAddict? Just curious), and those pesky lemurs will be back as soon as they figure out that the "AtAT staff members" they've got cornered in the tool shed are actually clever decoys crafted of mashed potatoes, wire clothes hangers, and ACE bandages. Still, you can expect sporadic broadcasts for now, and we're doing our best to eke out a daily routine that actually allows for both AtAT production and at least four hours of sleep a night. Dare to dream.

Okay, okay, fine, we admit it: we were really just seeing how long we'd need to be off the air before Rockwood finally did another comic about us. So if you've spent the past eleven weeks gnawing off your own limbs in withdrawal, go blame those guys.