Okay, here we go, people: all of you who own the original 5 GB iPod like ourselves can officially give in to New Model Envy. Up 'til now, we've been pretty successful at keeping that malady at bay; after all, the upgrades to the product line thus far haven't been all that spectacular. Sure, there was a model with four times the storage capacity of our beloved trailblazing first editions, but heck, it cost $100 more than we paid for ours, and 5 GB is pretty beefy, right? And yeah, the touchpad scroll wheel is kind of keen, but we were actually pretty successful in rationalizing that we prefer the tactile experience of the act of spinning the moving-parts model. Better earbuds and a remote? Available for purchase separately, and they work just fine on the original iPod. Contacts? Calendars? Again, available for the original iPod via a simple software update. And sure, some of us have found that our ten-hour batteries now last about as long as the average Pepsi commercial, but the recent 1.2.6 update fixed that for most people. After applying it six or eight times.

But now... NOW things have gotten sketchier. These next-generation iPods just rolled out yesterday are a whole new breed. They're thinner and lighter, for one thing; not that the original iPods are boat anchors, or anything, but still. The controls have been redesigned completely, and now the scroll wheel and the buttons are touch-based, which means no more worries about lint gumming up the works. The top two models come with a docking station. Plus they now top out at 30 GB, which is almost obscene if you think about it. (Windows folks also get USB 2.0 connectivity via an add-on cable, but that of course means nothing to us.) Oh, and did we mention that the buttons are (choke) backlit?

Then there's the software side of Sears. Tired of Breakout? The new iPods also come with some game called "Parachute" and a very intriguing implementation of Solitaire. No more stuffing text notes into Contact records; the new iPods allow you to transfer text notes into, well, Notes. There's an alarm clock function for those of you who need a little extra kick out of bed in the morning. Now you can customize the main menu by sticking all your most-used functions right there. And most importantly, the new iPods allow you to create "On-the-Go" playlists-- on the iPod itself. Yes, you can finally queue up a mess o' songs without needing access to iTunes and a FireWire port to do it.

But here's the kicker. If you're expecting the just-released iPod Software 1.3 update to add any of these new software features to your "classic" 'Pod, let the dream die; we just installed it and we get zip, zilch, nada (well, aside from AAC support and allegedly better battery life). And that's why we're officially mired in the bog of New Model Envy; we don't care much about the alarm clock, the games, or the contacts/calendars/notes stuff, seeing as we're already carrying around Handspring Treos that handle all that stuff about a zillion times better. (We heartily recommend the Treo, and not just because our Handspring stock is currently trading at roughly 7% of what we paid for it.) No, it's the redesigned hardware plus the shoulda-always-been-there "On-the-Go" playlists feature that have us drooling. Hmmm... eBay, anyone?