Attention, Apple Doom-'n'-Gloomers: once again it's your time in the, er, lack of sun. We know things have been a bit tough on you recently, what with Apple doing so well over the past several months and everything; as if the blowout Christmastime sales of the iPod weren't bad enough, the company actually sold more units in the subsequent non-holiday-frenzy quarter, and that combined with double-digit revenue growth, a $4.6 billion cash pile, and zero debt makes for some pretty challenging times for the Apple pessimist. But c'mon, this should cheer you up: Apple just filed its 10-Q with the Securities and Exchange Commission, and that's always good for a grin.

For the uninitiated, the 10-Q is a form that Apple has to file with the SEC every quarter, which generally discloses all sorts of exciting and not-so-exciting financial info about the company. And while MacGoths who read it will have to shield their eyes from the sunny news about Apple's rising sales and retail profitability, the great thing about the 10-Q is the section called "Factors That May Affect Future Results and Financial Condition," because in it Apple is required to list just about anything it can think of that might possibly go wrong and tank the company's earnings. It's like the Murphy's Law "What-If?" comic of corporate failure.

All the old standbys are there, of course, such as "general economic conditions," "political uncertainty," war, terrorism, public health issues, heavy market competition, the difficulty of juggling multiple product launches, reliance on third-party components, the possibility that Apple's headquarters might fall through the earth's crust and be pillaged by those pesky subterranean Mole People, etc. But there are a couple of listed factors that are a little more specific to Apple's current situation. Take, for example, Apple's caution that "the Company relies on third-party music content, which may not be available to the Company on commercially reasonable terms or at all." In other words, the record labels could simply decide not to renew Apple's license and the iTunes Music Store would crumble into dust overnight. Ouch!

And consider this one: "The Company's products, from time to time, experience quality problems that can result in decreased net sales and operating profits." Between PowerBook Leprosy, iBooks suffering logic board flakiness, and, most recently, those miniPods that wind up going all staticky after a few weeks of use, yeah, we won't be terribly surprised if this one kicks in several times this quarter. Oh, and are you concerned about flagging Power Mac sales, even after the advent of the G5? Then this one's right up your alley: "Unit sales of the Company's professionally oriented desktop systems have declined over the past several years... if future unit sales of Power Macintosh systems fail to partially or fully recover, it could be difficult for the Company to improve its overall profitability." Meaning, buy a G5 or the cafeteria at One Infinite Loop will soon be serving the very best generic dog food money can almost buy.

So that's the dismal gold mine known as the "Future Events Factors" section, and guess what? If you're trolling for bleakness, you aren't limited just to those nine solid pages of worst case scenarios, rich in material though they may be. CNET points out that, elsewhere in the 10-Q, Apple reveals that more heads are gonna roll: "a reorganization of its sales and marketing efforts will result in 148 job cuts" between now and the end of September-- and those are in addition to the 200 pink slips that accompanied Apple shutting down one of its plants a few weeks ago. How's that for a refreshing icy pall cast upon the company's mostly-sunny outlook? Mmmmmmmm... depressing!