Time for a little lesson in deductive reasoning, kiddies! First of all, remember when Apple issued rebates on all Power Macs and PowerBooks late last year? Then remember how the company slashed prices on those very same products as soon as the rebate promotion ended, and mere days before last week's Macworld Expo? Okay, now let's think for a minute about the new hardware that Uncle Steve introduced at that event: new Power Macs and PowerBooks, right? Some people might even go so far as to say that there's a connection.

Okay, so now that we've established that little sequence of events, let's turn our attention to a new special promotion that Apple has just kicked into gear; as faithful viewer Craig Heydenburg was first to point out, customers can now get a $200 "instant rebate" on any purchase of an iMac DV+ (pay a final price of $1099) or an iMac DV Special Edition (take it home for just $1299). Those are spectacular prices on some very capable little consumer systems, complete with DVD-ROM drives, FireWire, and iMovie 2 software-- and, of course, you get to pick your favorite color.

Now, time for a quiz: given what happened not long after Apple cut prices on its Power Macs and PowerBook, and given that Apple just introduced iTunes, an obviously consumer-oriented application that allows people to create their own custom audio CDs using internal CD-RW drives currently found, strangely enough, only in Apple's professional-level desktop systems, what reasonable conclusion can we draw from this latest price cut on higher-end iMac systems? Need a hint? Okay, then consider also that MacCentral reports that "all of Apple's current iMac models have been declared 'end of life' (EOL) by a number of retailers." Still drawing a blank? Sigh... okay, one last hint for those of you who still try to look in the mirror with your eyes closed to see what you look like sleeping: generally when an Apple product is designated "end of life," a newer model emerges within a month or so-- and there's another Macworld Expo next month in Tokyo.

Time for scoring! If you deduced that, in all likelihood, Apple will soon announce new iMacs with CD-RW drives instead of CD-ROM/DVD-ROM drives, give yourself ten points. If you further concluded that the most probable venue for this new iMac rollout is Macworld Expo Tokyo, give yourself five bonus points. And if, after all those hints, all you came up with is a theory about how the lint gets into your belly button, well... next time we'll discuss the slim possibility that professional wrestling just might be fake.

Here's the thing about Steve Jobs: as far as persuasive mercurial iCEOs go, he's the persuasivest. Yes, he's so good, we're even willing to make up new words to describe him, because the two-word phrase "most persuasive" just doesn't do him justice. It's that Reality Distortion Field thingy, right? The man has the uncanny ability to make everything he says seem like the most reasonable, logical, simple truth-- even if he's telling you that you'd be much happier if you drilled a hole in your head and packed it with lemon zest. And these days he's got a new weapon in his arsenal of persuasiveness: if the RDF doesn't sway you, maybe what WIRED calls his "incredible potty mouth" will.

In an article first pointed out by faithful viewer Pete Hopkins, it's revealed that in a meeting of Apple resellers at last week's Expo, Steve dropped in to discuss a few things, and "every sentence he uttered-- every single one-- contained an expletive." (Note: while Wired didn't balk at printing Steve's exact quotes, AtAT is still a family show. That's why, in accordance with obscure V-Chip broadcasting standards and practices, in the upcoming Steve quotes, we are digitally replacing each instance of the four-letter "f-word" with names of various Sesame Street Muppets.)

Among the choicer quotes by Steve "Hard R" Jobs:

• On the miserable computer retail shopping experience: "At least you can go to an auto dealer and test drive a Kermiting car."
• On Apple's "issues" in the eduction market: "We Elmoed up. We Elmoed up big time."
• On being told that resellers aren't allowed to reproduce Apple's ads in local advertisements: "You're Berting joking!"

For more in-depth (and family-friendly) discussion of the gist of the meeting itself, MacCentral's got some nice coverage. But while we've got nothing against stories about how Steve knows that some Circuit City employees are steering potential Mac customers towards the Wintel department (bash their heads, Steve!), we think the real story here is the language issue. We're unsure whether or not Apple's recent trials and tribulations have led to Steve's saltier vocabulary, but this is definitely the first time we've heard of him using such language in a semi-public setting. Maybe it's just us, but we like the direction this new Steve is taking. Maybe he'll retain elements of this Sopranos-style dialogue during his next keynote address and give us all a little treat. Suppose Quentin Tarantino's available to direct?

We hope you enjoyed the giddy highs of Expo Week, boys and girls, because unfortunately it's drawn to a close-- and we find a far less joyous occasion bearing down upon us like a runaway freight train. We've gotten our glimpse at the PowerBook G4, our welcome increase to 733 MHz, that snazzy new SuperDrive, and a far more finished-looking Mac OS X-- but now it's time to deal with more mundane and far less fun subjects. It's kind of like Christmas morning; all the anticipation has reached its climax, the presents are open, there's wrapping paper strewn all over the house, and it's time to clean up the mess. And Apple, you may recall, has one awful big mess to deal with.

We speak, of course, of that looming quarterly loss. Come Wednesday at 2PM Pacific time, money czar Fred Anderson will commence his quarterly conference call with the Wall Street analysts and reveal the actual numbers for Apple's first loss since Steve's return to the company he cofounded. Tune in live via QuickTime for the festivities, because you can bet with a loss of up to a quarter of a billion dollars on the books, Fred's going to drag Steve along for all the Reality Distortion Field help he can muster.

On the home front, the higgledy-piggledy sitch with AtAT's broadcast connection originally prompted us to skip our quarterly Beat The Analysts contest this time around, but a few factors prompted us to reconsider. For one thing, the transition to our temporary line seems to be going quite well. For another, we really didn't like the idea of missing Apple's first dramatic return to the Red Ink Club after three full years of swimming in the black instead. And lastly, the viewer outcry was staggering, and the sheer deluge of protests forced us to change our minds. (Actually, we only got one complaint, but frankly, we just couldn't bear to let faithful viewer Mark Czynski down.)

While a giant Apple quarterly loss will no doubt weigh heavily upon your heart, surely the prize of your choice from the Baffling Vault of Antiquity™ (not to mention the glory of seeing your name in lights on AtAT) will help lighten your spirits, right? So don't delay and enter today, because you've only got a couple of days before we close the contest and await the bad news. Who says financial tragedy can't be entertaining?