Them retail plans just keep rollin', rollin', rollin' along. While Apple still hasn't publicly acknowledged its scheme to open its own snazzy retail stores all across the country, the evidence continues to mount, and the list of lucky cities that will supposedly be blessed with the first round of lickable boutiques keeps growing. Attention, all Mac-using residents of Palo Alto, Chicago, Littleton, Pittsburgh, New York City, Buffalo, and possibly Scottsdale and Tampa: we hate you.

The source of this bilious contempt, of course, is the fact that one day in the not-too-distant future, you irretrievably lucky people will be able to wander into a clean, well-lit, and gorgeous store stocked to the brim with Apple's latest gear and all things Mac. Furthermore, you'll be helped by friendly, well-trained, and knowledgable salespeople who won't try to steer you towards buying a cheesy Wintel box instead. The rest of us, on the other hand, will have to make do with our existing sources, such as CompUSA and (at least for another month or two) Sears, whose Mac shopping experiences can be positive ones, but more often than not are the retail equivalent of a back-alley mugging.

Oh, and you Mac fiends in Minneapolis and Washington, D.C.? Well, now we hate you, too. Faithful viewer New Wave Dave pointed out that AppleInsider targets the gem of Minnesota's heartland as one of the latest additions to Apple's Happy City list (Mall of America, anyone?). And just last week, MacNN reported that Tyson's Corner, VA, a suburb of D.C., will get its own Apple store, possibly as early as next month; if that's true, the Tyson's Corner location might even turn out to be the very first Apple store to open its doors. So, yeah. Hate, hate, hate.

Okay, okay... we don't really hate you folks. Heck, we've even got Mac-using family out in Minnesota (Hi, Rose/Adrian/the 'rents!), and we visit Chicago often enough to make the Magnificent Mile store a very welcome addition to our occasional Midwest tours. Plus, given that we have a pretty kick-ass Micro Center out here in Boston, we really have no reason to complain. Still, we can't deny that we want an Apple store here in Beantown, darnit, and we want it right quick! Here's hoping that the shadowy whispers of a Boston location aren't just idle rumors...

Hey, it's been a week and a half, already-- where the heck is our Mac OS X 10.0.1? Not that we aren't grateful to have 10.0 and everything, but even Apple plainly admits that the debut release is lacking certain features... and the general consensus among the "early adopters" seems to be that the operating system could use a healthy dose of Vitamin Speed. And given that we're overly-trusting individuals who tend to believe every little rumor that comes down the pike, we're getting a little impatient waiting for Apple's first Mac OS X patch-- given that it was allegedly ready almost two weeks ago.

Yes, we know about the "leaked" updater; faithful viewer Oren Krinsky, for one, told us that it's still available over at MacUpdate. But we're not quite cynical enough to believe that Apple has held off on officially releasing the update only to satisfy the misguided PR people who feel that issuing a bug-fix release so soon after the product's debut would "look bad." We just have to think that there's a real, honest-to-goodness technical reason why we're still puttering along with 10.0 when Apple had a 10.0.1 updater in its hot little hands.

Enter Mac OS Rumors, who (as faithful viewer The M@d H@tter kindly informed us) claims that the leaked 10.0.1 won't be the same as the real 10.0.1. Apparently the leaked version is a "partially completed build" labeled "4L5," and while it was originally slated for a release yesterday "at the latest," Apple is now holding off to fix some other "significant issues" that have come to light. The good news: when this thing does finally ship, we ought to see faster launch times, faster file copies, slightly faster window resizing, support for the sound and brightness keys on portables, better-behaved Finder windows, and more third-party drivers. The bad news: we might have to wait up to ten days to get it, and even after installing it, our sleeping PowerBook will continue to chew through battery power like a hungry billy goat in a junkyard. But hey, them's the perils of living life on the edge.

By the way, the leaked updater really does seem to do some good for at least some users, according to MacUpdate's feedback page. There are several reports of performance improvements, both in the Finder and in Classic, which range from "no difference at all" to "very noticeable." Personally, though, we're going to steer clear, and we suggest that you do the same. Installing an unofficial operating system update ranks Volcano Heat on the Hairiness Scale, and there's no telling what funkiness may ensue. In particular, we're concerned that installing the leaked 10.0.1 might lead to severe pain when trying to install the real thing once it's released. We'd rather suffer through the slowness for a while longer.

Happy Microsoft Smackdown Day! That's right, people, it's been exactly one year since the Redmond Beast was found guilty of having violated the Sherman Antitrust Act, which eventually led to the whole "let's cut 'em in half" penalty-- at which time we at AtAT declared April 3rd to be Microsoft Smackdown Day, from then "until the end of time." Imagine our dismay that Hallmark has yet to produce even one of our proposed greeting cards. We thought at least the "Our Condolences On Your Savage Courtroom Beating" design was a winner...

Anyway, since it's been exactly one year, we figured this would be a good time to reflect on the various ways in which being split into two companies has drastically altered Microsoft's behavior. What's that? Nothing's changed, because the case is still mired deeply in the appeals process? Oh. Well, instead, let's examine the drastic effects that the verdict has had on the economy at large. (Insert large visual aid of a giant, smoking crater here.) To put it another way, we recommend that you celebrate Microsoft Smackdown Day by converting all of your remaining tech stock holdings into stock certificates, shredding them finely, putting the results in a blender with two frozen bananas, a handful of strawberries, and eight ounces of fresh-squeezed orange juice, hitting "frappe," and thus preparing yourself a delicious Despair Smoothie.

See, those of you who follow the stock market are undoubtedly aware that the NASDAQ is currently flirting with its lowest levels in two and a half years. Those of you who don't follow the stock market still probably knew something was up by the increasing frequency of Investor Storms recently. Those sudden downpours of distraught Wall Street types splattering on the pavement? That's not a side-effect of global warming, ya know. And while it would be folly to blame this whole tech stock nightmare solely on Microsoft or the "Redmond Justice" verdict, a three-year chart of the NASDAQ is still mighty interesting: the index peaked just weeks before the verdict, dropped sharply on rumors that negotiations were shaky, and really started to tank the day before the verdict when it was announced that settlement talks had broken down completely. And for the most part, it's been downhill since then.

So, enjoy the holiday! And for some real giggles, don't forget to check out our laughably inaccurate stock market predictions from just before the meteor hit. In particular, we're hooting with delight over this gem: "Don't panic and sell on Monday when the markets go haywire, and don't go leaping out of any windows. Things will quiet down eventually, and once the dust settles, we're guessing most of the NASDAQ will be just fine." Can you stand it? And people say we're not funny!