See, the problem with all the speculation that flies through the ether just before any big Apple announcement is that people tend to focus too much on the plausible. They spin cautious scenarios involving new iBooks (which are practically a given, since even Apple's stopped selling the current models) and Apple retail stores (which we've all known for ages isn't a matter of "if," but "when"), all for the sake of accuracy. Well, we say accuracy's overrated; sure, it's fine to be correct, but not at the expense of some good old fashioned high drama! It's a matter of setting priorities, people.

That's why we're so pleased at one particular story currently making the rounds; faithful viewer Brigala tipped us off that one serious mother of a rumor that originally burned too brightly and all too briefly back in January appears to be enjoying a minor resurrection. You may recall a span of about twelve seconds back then when the foreign markets were awash in whispers that Apple was about to be acquired-- not by Disney, as that hackneyed old story so often goes, but rather by Sony. Sadly, Sony quelled the rumor posthaste by publicly declaring that it wouldn't consider buying Apple even if Steve extended a bid. So much for that promising young rumor, snuffed out while still in short pants. (Quick, someone put on some somber music and recite from Housman's "To an Athlete Dying Young.")

But wait-- what's this? Quote.com is giving the deflated rumor a second chance at life. It's short, but sweet: "Apple Computer (AAPL) $25.74. Rumor that (SNE) will acquire the company for $40 a share. Both companies were unavailable for comment." Note that the snippet is date-stamped 04/26/2001, so this isn't just something that was posted back in early January. Either there's a new round of Sony-Apple buyout rumors starting up, or Quote.com and JAGRumors are about three and a half months behind on posting their content.

Sadly, at least if Apple's stock price is any indication, nobody really seems to be taking the bait (suppose that has something to do with a complete and utter lack of evidence or details?), and so we fear that once again this promising little rumor will sputter out long before reaching critical mass. It's a shame, since there are factors that should give this story legs: Steve Jobs has, on a number of occasions, voiced his desire to make Apple "the Sony of the computer world," and his constant comparisons to Sony's VAIO during the PowerBook G4 introduction might lead one to suspect that he's just dying to sell out. But even those juicy clues apparently aren't enough to outweigh Sony's strident "No Apple Buyout" mandate in January. So much for second chances. But if you're looking for the prospect of real drama at this Tuesday's Apple Press Event, look no further-- it'll be hard to top this.

If you're still working on your Colossal Compendium of All May 1st Possibilities, don't forget to throw a little Mac OS X speculation into the mix. It's a pretty safe bet that an update to 10.0.2 might make an appearance, since Steve did promise us CD-RW compatibility by the end of April. But if you want to go veering off into weirder territory, a good first stop on your journey would be Apple's freshly-revamped home page; as faithful viewer Danaus Plexippus notes, contrary to expectations, it's all about Mac OS X. And we mean all about Mac OS X. Go there now and keep hitting "reload" until you're convinced; we saw three home pages total, all of them brand new, and each and every one touting features of Apple's new operating system.

If you don't find that a tad askew, you obviously haven't been paying much attention to Apple for the past couple of months. The Mac OS X release was a stealth launch if ever we saw one; no TV commercials, no billboards, and a press introduction heavily dosed with "this one's just for the reckless geeks-- the real Mac OS X is coming this summer." Indeed, the more realistic among the "early adopters" harbor few illusions that "Mac OS X 10.0" was just Newspeak for "Mac OS X Public Beta 2" with a $129 price tag stuck on for good measure. Nevertheless, suddenly Apple.com is no longer hawking Flower Power iMacs on its home page; instead we're treated to stuff on Mac OS X's "new desktop," its "killer graphics," and how it combines with a PowerBook G4 to create "a new age for mobile computing."

So what's the deal? A big, flashy exclusive role on Apple's home page seems a little high-profile for a product that Apple has actually shielded from the public eye to a certain extent in the past. Meanwhile, Macworld Expo is still over two months away, and few people expected to see Apple pre-load Mac OS X on Macs before then. Could this indicate that pre-loading (at least on some machines, like the pro systems) might happen earlier, like, say, on May 1st? We doubt it-- in fact, we'd further trust our ability to grate cheese using only our elbows and a wire brush. But it's not completely nuts to think that maybe Apple would bump all of its product configurations to a minimum of 128 MB of RAM and ship a free (uninstalled) copy of Mac OS X in every box just in case customers want to run it. Weirder things have happened, after all-- and while we don't necessarily believe this, we felt it deserved mentioning for completeness's sake.

We know most of you are antsy about Tuesday's press event, especially since we're all mired in the news lull that typically precedes these Apple announcements of biblical import. Many of you are trying to fill the gap with yet more frenzied speculation, but be warned: too much Apple prognostication can be hazardous to your health. It's important that you take frequent breaks, or you'll just be a babbling, gelatinous wreck come Tuesday, and you won't get to enjoy the proceedings. We recommend taking up basket-weaving or thumb-twiddling to pass the time-- or for those of you who just happen to be Mac developers, maybe you could spend a little time taking over the world.

Yes, that's right; we said "taking over the world." After all, now Apple has made it easy! It's no big secret that when they aren't proselytizing via the occasional crucifix-showing, the Visuals in iTunes are pumping out Jobsian Reality Distortion Field energy at an alarming rate. Chalk it all up to Steve's master plan to enslave the Mac community as a constant source of renewable income and (when the time is right) an unquestioning militia ready to overthrow the world powers in a bloody coup, thus establishing Steve as the One True Emperor.

But now you, too, can get in on the action! Apple has posted the iTunes Visual Plug-ins SDK, a developer kit that lets other budding evil geniuses create their own swirly hypnotic musical thingamajigs. All you need is some programming ability, a copy of CodeWarrior Pro 6, a little free time on your hands, and a seething lust for ultimate power. Once you've created your throbbing, pulsating instrument of mind control (or nausea, or feline restlessness, or whatever other evil scheme you've got in mind), just post it to a web site, spread the word, and watch the suckers download like mad. It's just that simple! Get started today!