Ah, we know those symptoms well: the profuse sweating, the manic look in the eyes, the irrepressible shrieking and the compulsive need to jump around like a mad ape on speed... you're either suffering from Acute Steve Withdrawal, or you're Steve Ballmer. We're going to assume it's the former. Really, your condition comes as no great surprise to us, because it's been over a month since the last big Stevenote-- and unless you've managed to repress the memory of last month's "Keynote About Nothing" completely, you probably recall that our last dose of magical Steveness wasn't exactly a satisfying fix. Hence, the withdrawal.

What can we say? The weeks after a Macworld Expo are always tough, what with the dearth of news and the sudden elimination of the life-sustaining glory of Steve's presence. All we can suggest is that you tough it out and try to survive until Steve's next appearance-- at Seybold next month. But hold up, don't get too excited; the man isn't going to show up in person. Instead, as previously reported but now finally confirmed by the show's organizers, Phil Schiller's handling the meatspace appearance, while Steve himself will "briefly address Seybold San Francisco 2001 attendees live, via satellite." (Many thanks to faithful viewer August Trometer for the BusinessWire link, since Seybold's keynote page still just says "Special Keynote-- To Be Announced!")

Now, nothing against Phil, you understand, but compared to Steve, he's sort of the keynote equivalent of expecting a winning lottery ticket and being given half a handful of soggy Chex Mix instead. Seybold is an important show for Apple and its core market of content creators, so if Apple has something new to introduce of interest to creative professionals (like, say, a new PowerBook or Mac OS X 10.1), this would be the time to do it. So here's today's Super Happy Bonus Question: Is Steve appearing via satellite simply to introduce his sidekick and give the showgoers a quick little blast of Reality Distortion Field energy before letting Phil drive, or will his oversize projected video head be intoning the magic words of "Oh, and one more thing..." before introducing something big for the Seybold audience? Only time will tell.

As for why Steve's not handling the Seybold gig in person, well, the smart money in betting that his "live via satellite" appearance will be made from the scenic waterways and rustic cheese mines of Paris, France-- where he is expected to deliver the keynote at the Apple Expo the very next day. Rock star though he may be, we figure he's just not up for delivering two emotionally draining performances just seventeen hours and 5500 miles apart. After all, just because he owns his own jet and could sell a lifetime supply of fabric softener to a nudist colony doesn't mean that he wields ultimate power over time, space, and dimension. Necessarily.