Well, what we have here is your classic "good news, bad news" type of situation. So which do you want first? (This is the part where everyone in the viewing audience says in unison, "Why, we'd like the good news first, please, o Exalted Ones." We'll wait for you to finish.) You want the good news, you say? Well, here it is: Apple has officially confirmed that, yes, no less a luminary than Steve Jobs himself will be delivering the keynote at next month's Apple Expo in Paris. (Yay!) The bad news, unfortunately, is that Apple has flat-out declared that it doesn't plan to introduce "any new hardware products in Paris this year." (Boo, hiss, gasp, clutch, thud.)

Now, calm down-- we know you were banking on finally seeing that long-rumored LCD iMac next month, but at times like this it's vitally important not to lose control. We admit, we were more than a little shaken by the news when faithful viewer Jay first pointed us towards Apple's press release, but there are still ways to salvage the upcoming Rampant Speculation season that Steve has so coldheartedly sought to destroy with his preemptive strike. Okay, so Steve says that his Apple Expo keynote will focus on Mac OS X 10.1 and iDVD 2, and not any new hardware intros. Fair enough-- but that's just the Apple Expo keynote. The Seybold keynote is the day before. If Phil Schiller (or the Big Giant Live-Via-Satellite Head of Steve) announces new hardware at Seybold, then Steve can demo it the next day to his heart's content and still keep his word about no new hardware launches in Paris.

In fact, let's take that potential loophole a bit further; there's still over a month before the September 26th Paris Stevenote. In theory, Apple could introduce new Macs anytime between now and then and still technically not have lied. Remember, the latest iBook wasn't introduced at a trade show, right? Or better yet, what if Steve does unveil, say, a flat-screen iMac during his spiel... but the product is shown live via satellite in Cupertino? Bickety-bam, one brand new Mac surprise at Apple Expo-- of a product that was actually being "launched" well outside of Paris. C'mon, use your imaginations... otherwise we've all got one extremely long speculation-free month ahead of us, and we all know how painful that can be.

Of course, we suppose there's a slim chance that Apple honestly realizes full well that it's just not going to have any new gear ready for September, and, after last month's Macworld Expo keynote debacle, issued its statement to keep us from getting our hopes up only to have them be dashed against the sharp, jagged rocks of harsh reality when the day finally arrives. But really, what are the odds of that happening? We hereby declare this Rampant Speculation season open for business!