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It'll End In Tears, For Sure (10/28/02)
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Say, remember when we noted about a week ago that if Apple still wants to meet its retail expansion goals this year, it'll have to open no fewer than ten stores in just five weeks? Well, by virtue of the inexorable march of time (i.e. thanks to your trusty Gerund-A-Day desk calendar, your vocabulary is now seven words richer), now that deadline's dropped to ten stores in four weeks. Do the integer math (assuming that even Apple's not goofy enough to throw a grand opening celebration for half a store) and you'll notice that Apple now needs to open at least three stores in a single weekend.
Sweet Georgia Brown in a rowboat full of angry weasels, can it truly be so? (It can.) Must Apple really push its store-opening skills to their very limits and open three separate stores at once? (It must.) Could Apple really be so daring as to attempt such a feat with little or no regard to the devastating and permanent effects three simultaneous retail openings might have on the very fabric of the space-time continuum itself-- not to mention the sort of psychic and emotional stress this puts on unofficial grand opening shutterbug Tadd Torborg? (It could-- and it is.)
No kidding, folks; take a quick peek at Apple's retail page and you'll notice that Apple has three, count 'em, three stores listed under the scary green "Grand openings" heading: Fashion Show in Las Vegas, Keystone in Indianapolis, and Southdale in Edina, Minnesota. What's more, all three are slated to throw open their doors this coming Saturday, November 2nd. What with three grand openings covering such a wide chunk of this great land, why, we can't imagine that any Mac fan on the North American continent this Saturday can legitimately gripe about not having anything to do.
So good luck to Apple in its unprecedented store-juggling endeavor; here's hoping it doesn't bring all of reality crashing down around us in the attempt. And, once the dust settles, if any of you can provide satisfactory proof that you managed to attend all three grand openings on Saturday despite those niggling little laws of time, space, and dimension, we'll kiss you full on the mouth.
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 10/28/02 episode: October 28, 2002: Apple announces its intention to open three, count 'em, three new retail stores this Saturday. Meanwhile, rumors fly about new displays and PowerBooks slated to surface in a week, and Microsoft litters New York City for the sake of advertising MSN 8 and is fined the unreasonable sum of fifty big ones...
Other scenes from that episode: 3802: Treason & Gunpowder Plot (10/28/02) Boy howdy, buckaroos, if you've been sitting around waiting for Apple to revamp its line of displays, you've been waiting a very long time indeed. Oh, sure, we got the 23-inch Apple Cinema HD Display waaaay back in March, but unless you're the type of person who had a hankering for a 1920x1200 screen and $3499 sitting around in convenient cartoony bundles of cash, the odds are pretty good that that particular announcement didn't mean a whole lot to you personally... 3803: 50 Bucks Breaks The Bank (10/28/02) Oh my oh my oh dinosaurs, it seems like Microsoft just can't stay out of trouble for even a minute, can it? As first noted by faithful viewer Steve Bickerton, last week the company ran afoul of New York City authorities when it apparently chose to advertise the release of MSN 8 by slapping giant rainbow lepidoptera all over town...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
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