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Back From Whence It Came (5/22/03)
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Too easy. Way too easy. "Shooting fish in a barrel with a fish-seeking barrel gun" easy. Man, sometimes the challenge in producing this show isn't adapting reality into something a little more dramatic; sometimes it's trying to come up with something to say beyond the obvious cheap shots which Microsoft is so famously adept at setting itself up for. (Yes, we're so excited that we just ended a sentence with not one, but two prepositions. We believe we just heard the collective pop of every single one of our junior high and high school English teachers' heads exploding.)
So here's the set-up: faithful viewer Paul McGill notes an article in The Salt Lake Tribune which reports that a whopping 937 boxes of internal Microsoft memos and email messages-- that's 3 million pages, or 37,480 pounds-- subpoenaed in various antitrust lawsuits are now headed for the shredder. And just what will become of the recorded thoughts and ideas of Redmond's Best and Brightest after they've been "vertically reordered"? Well, according to Cathy Keetch of the Recall Secure Destruction Service, "ninety-nine percent of our shreddings are made into toilet paper."
See what we mean? How perfect is that?
Gee, maybe Microsoft can buy it all back to stock the iLoo. (Oh, wait, that was a hoax. Oh, wait, no it wasn't.) In any case, the next you're in the can, you might derive great satisfaction from the knowledge that you may well be doing unspeakable things to a repurposed Bill Gates memo on the importance of Trustworthy Computing. As for us, though, we can't help but wonder whether our toilet paper might contain documents formerly handled by Steve Ballmer-- which means we can never, ever go to the bathroom again.
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SceneLink (3969)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 5/22/03 episode: May 22, 2003: Does this iPod backlight look blue to you? How about now? Meanwhile, Steve Jobs sells his New York apartment, and three million pages of Microsoft memos are about to become "squeezably soft"...
Other scenes from that episode: 3967: The Eye Of The 'Pod Holder (5/22/03) Duck and cover, kiddies, because there's a fierce debate raging among the Apple community that shows every sign of escalating into a full-blown nuclear riot before the dust finally settles. Despite what you might guess, it has nothing to do with alleged PowerPC 970 benchmarks, whether all the buzz about "Panther piles" is really just one big poop joke, or aluminum vs. titanium and whose dad would win in a fight... 3968: Steve Leaves (Big) Apple (5/22/03) And this just in, still more from the "Stuff Everyone But Us May Well Have Already Heard About Ages Ago" Department: faithful viewer Kassandra notes that a recent New York Times article contains a quick mention about Steve Jobs having sold his San Remo duplex in New York City last month, which listed for $14.5 million...
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