You have to applaud the Austin American-Statesman; while the rest of the Apple-focused media is wasting its time chasing down ultimately meaningless minutiae about rampant benchmark controversy, prattling on about the coming downloadable music wars, or even rambling incessantly about the Power Mac G5's style-to-speed ratio, the Statesman is investigating something of real importance and depth: Steve Jobs's wardrobe, and in particular, the significance of the signature black mock turtleneck and the omnipresent blue jeans. Thank heaven for the fourth estate.

The Statesman lists the couturial associations of Jobs's standard outfit: "nonconformist beatniks," "mods," "hipster intellectuals," and "rebels" who are "cool, calm, and collected." Fashion Institute of Technology sociology professor Ruth Rubinstein calls it a "clerical outfit" for a man who "is all about democracy and sharing" [ed. note: What the?!...] and "believes the computer can really revolutionize the world." Oooookay. Meanwhile, WIRED senior editor Jeffrey O'Brien thinks that Jobs's fashion statement is probably "my creativity is elsewhere," but contends that at least his outfit is "more streamlined," more approachable," and "much more interesting" than Mike Dell's "traditional boardroom attire." Well, doy.

Unfortunately, this was all a bit of a waste of time on the Statesman's part, since they could simply have asked any true Mac fan why Steve wears The Uniform: it's the outfit that maximizes the range and potency of his Reality Distortion Field output. (Well, okay, technically a white jumpsuit with that big silver V-shaped thing across the chest works even better, but it tends to arouse suspicion.) Appearing in front of an audience clad in a lesser RDF conduit would be nothing short of foolish-- not to mention irresponsible, since Steve has stockholders to consider, as well as his own unstoppable plans for world domination.

The Statesman points out several occasions on which His Steveness has been spotted in public in non-turtleneck-and-jeans outfits, but all three are easily explained. Sure, he wore a tuxedo to the Oscars, but attending the Academy Awards without wearing either a tux or a $10,000 evening gown with a plunging neckline will get a contract put out on your head, and Steve didn't think he had the cleavage to pull off the latter. And yes, he wore a suit for the Macworld Expo Tokyo 2001, but he also unveiled Flower Power and Blue Dalmatian iMacs, so he was clearly stoned out of his gourd. As for the occasional white tee/black vest combo, that's the traditional mating garb on his home planet, so he's, uh, just lookin' to get busy. After all, mercurial extraterrestrials bent on subverting the entire human race need love too...