What, no free iTunes Music Store gift certificates in every Happy Meal after all? Following yesterday's breathless rumormongering in the New York Post (Rupert Murdoch says, "Rumormongering is what Tiggers do best! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"), faithful viewer Nkuvu pointed out a Dow Jones Business News article reporting that McDonald's has issued a formal statement cooling the jets on the whole "one billion free iTMS songs" promotion story-- and thus putting a bit of a damper on the spirits of iTMS enthusiasts everywhere who were looking forward to the dual joys of free legal downloadable music and acute atherosclerosis. Sadly, life is full of disappointments.

Although, you know, this may not be one of them. There's still hope for the prospect of this whole "Tunes for Grease" scenario: what McDonald's actually said was that "there are no agreements to announce, so anything else is pure speculation." Notice how that's not actually a denial-- or, at least, it's not a denial that there's a deal in progress; it only says that no deal is ready to announce. Considering that the Post only said that this alleged billion-song promotional arrangement was "close" in the first place, so far everyone seems to be in total agreement.

Now, it's certainly possible that McDonald's just has lazy and inefficient American PR lackeys who can't cogently deny their way out of a grease-soaked paper bag. For an example of a real denial, we refer you to the rumors that Sony was planning to buy Apple a few years back. In a record 4.28 seconds, Sony's own CEO vaulted an eight-foot concrete wall, dove for the nearest microphone, "flatly denied" that talks were underway, and then neatly put an end to the whole thing once and for all by adding that "Sony wouldn't consider a bid even if Apple extended one." There's Japanese efficiency for you.

In contrast, McDonald's closes its so-called "denial" by asserting that it "continues to aggressively pursue bold new initiatives in the areas of music, sports, fashion and entertainment to connect with our customers in fresh and relevant ways... You can expect news from McDonald's on a variety of fronts in the coming weeks and months." Say-- does anyone else feel a draft? You know, like a chilly breeze on the back of your neck? Why, it's almost as if someone had left a door wide open.

Whether the vague nature of the McDonald's "denial" was sly foreshadowing or gross incompetence remains to be seen, but if you're clinging to hope that you'll get to wolf down McNuggets at a dangerous pace while simultaneously racking up enough free downloads to acquire the iTMS's complete collection of Hanson songs, then you might be interested to know that MacRumors "received confirmation that McDonald's is, in fact, planning the iTunes giveaway, but no further details of the promotion have been obtained." So now it's just a waiting game to see if they're right. Oh, and you may want to consider scheduling a quadruple bypass nice and early, just to be on the safe side-- those slots fill up fast!