You know, the relationship between Apple and its resellers sounds pretty strained lately. During the Second Jobs Dynasty, Apple has really pumped up its direct sales initiative, first with the online Apple Store and then with its own chain of retail boutiques. Toss in rumors of an upcoming stretch into the catalog mail order area and reports of increasing direct sales to big business clients, and it's no wonder that several current and ex-Apple resellers blame Apple for their own declining sales, despite Apple claiming that, for instance, resellers do better when an Apple retail store moves in down the street. Heck, a bunch of those resellers got peeved enough to file a whole mess o' lawsuits against Apple, claiming that the company doesn't play fair. With its rapport with resellers apparently hanging in tattered and smoldering rags, what can Apple possibly do to heal the damage?

Well, for starters, it's telling its employees to knock it off with the smack talk.

No, really! AppleInsider claims that Apple has had an actual written policy of "positive speech guidelines" since early last year, which dictates how its employees who deal with the public-- specifically, "AppleCare, Telesales, and retail store personnel"-- should talk about third-party resellers and service providers. For instance, these personnel are told that they should "neutrally position the various channels through which customers can buy" Apple products and services and "not tell customers that buying directly from Apple is better than buying from a reseller." So, technically, if you walk into an Apple store and ask somebody why you should buy an iMac from them instead of ordering one from, say, MacMall or Amazon, the guy's supposed to tell you that those options are just as valid, no better and no worse. And if he doesn't, you can report him and get him yelled at, or maybe even fired. Ahhhh, good times.

And get this: apparently the guidelines were revised earlier this year "to remind employees that they must take care to speak positively about Apple and Apple products in public." We assume that's limited to a professional scope, and that off-hours employees aren't necessarily expected to stand up in the theater right in the middle of a screening of Scooby-Doo 2 to yell, "Apple is a kind and responsible employer, and its products are unparalleled in design and ease of use!" Although if you witness such a thing happening, tell us about it. And while you're at it, explain what the heck you were doing at a screening of Scooby-Doo 2 in the first place. (Any answer other than "Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot" or "I've always had kind of a thing for Velma" may result in much ridicule.)

Now, while the Free Speech Reflex in us automatically kicks in when corporations start telling their employees what they can and can't say, there really isn't anything all that outrageous about these guidelines. In fact, we doubt that Apple even enforces them in any serious way. More likely than not, they probably exist primarily to give the lawyers a way to cover Apple's butt, what with all the reseller lawsuits flying around; if the proprietor of MacOtherGuys somehow proves that an Apple employee badmouthed his store to a customer, Apple can simply testify that said employee acted against company policy and has been punished/fired/flogged/set fire to for his offenses. Everyone lives happily ever after. Well, except for the plaintiff. And the employee. But hey, Apple comes out smelling like a rose, and isn't that all that really matters?