Decisions, decisions; what with it being Wildly Off-Topic Microsoft-Bashing Day and all (shhh-- we know, but we're pretending like it's still Friday), do we do the conventional thing and add another dash of commentary to the pot of simmering Windows XP Service Pack 2 Criticism, or do we pull a slightly more exotic cookbook off the shelf and whip up a batch of "Hey, Look At Microsoft Screwing Up Geography" stew? Ah, what the heck; we're hungry, so let's make both. Toot, toot-- next stop, our thighs.

First, the SP2 thing, which you're probably all sick to death of hearing about, but we just have to make sure you heard this one little thing about it. As you probably know, SP2 finally tries to close some of Windows's more gaping security holes by turning on the operating system's built-in firewall by default. There's just one little problem with that, however; applications developers are used to Windows network ports being wide open with little flashing neon signs next to them that say "HEY HACKERS, C'MON IN, THE JEWELRY'S IN THE FREEZER"; as such, they assume that any system using their software will allow any network traffic they want to flow freely to and from wherever they want on whatever port they specify.

Since SP2 doesn't let that happen, though, apparently dozens of applications (including several of Microsoft's own) suddenly fail to work properly, or in some cases, at all. Our favorite? Symantec Corporate AntiVirus 9.0, which reportedly stops working on clients after SP2 is installed because the firewall blocks the server from "pushing antivirus definitions to clients." Now, we can't actually fault Microsoft for this, since its firewall is doing exactly what it should be doing and what it probably should have done from the start. But we still can't help but giggle when we think of the company's long-awaited service pack-- intended to reduce infections by various types of malware-- disabling corporate virus protection. It's a Charlie Brown Moment of the highest caliber.

So what about this geography thing? Well, faithful viewer Jonathan Baldwin pointed us toward a silicon.com article which reveals that Windows 95 had been banned outright from the entire country of India-- not because the product is supremely awful (which, frankly, would have made us want to emigrate), but because "when coloring in 800,000 pixels on a map of India, Microsoft colored eight of them a different shade of green," implying that Kashmir wasn't part of India, which is actually against Indian law.

But wait, there's more! According to The Guardian, Microsoft employees were actually arrested in Turkey when officials discovered that "Kurdistan had been shown as a separate entity on maps of the country." Microsoft software has also shown the Korean flag in reverse, and Microsoft employees were "questioned by police in China, where it is an offense to refer to Taiwan as a country or as the Republic of China." Tom Edwards, Microsoft's "senior geopolitical strategist" (see, they are trying to take over the world!), blames the "lack of basic geography" among his company's employees.

Actually, though, it's not only geography, but also a lack of cultural knowledge that's tripped up the company on occasion. The game Age of Empires 2 ticked off Saudi Arabia "because it showed victorious Muslim armies turning churches into mosques." Another game, Kakuto Chojin, included rhythmic chanting in the background that just happened to be an Arabic excerpt from the Koran, and again the Saudis protested, leading to the game's withdrawal worldwide. And due to what is described as an "unfortunate error in translation," the Spanish version of Windows XP "gave users an option to select their gender from not specified, male, or 'bitch.'" Uh, whoops.

Not that we wouldn't make any or all of these mistakes and more ourselves; heck, we can hardly get through an episode without offending either the Australians or all of Canada or both. ("Curling is a sport for the aged and infirm!!" See?) Then again, we make no claim to be able to make and sell products to a global market, so maybe we shouldn't let Microsoft off the hook so easily. In any case, here's hoping that Microsoft's new "geography classes for its staff" aren't too effective, because some of these blunders are far too entertaining not to be repeated.