When it rains, it pours, ladies and gents; we've spent the last couple of weeks whining incessantly about having no drama with which to punch up our plot (and we're sure you just found that fascinating, didn't you?), and now suddenly stuff's flying in from all angles like something out of a deleted scene from The Birds. And how appropriate that we'd mention a lost nugget of pop cultural gold, because the latest influx of drama comes in the form of an archeological find of mind-blowing proportions, mediawise: faithful viewer Sid made our day, week, month, year, and our next six lifetimes by casually informing us that there's a second Ellen Feiss commercial running loose on the 'net in oh-so-downloadable QuickTime format.

This is not a drill, people! We would never kid you about something as important as this. Instead of "my PC ate my homework," this time Ellen's waxing poetical-- or, um, something like that-- about her PowerBook G4: how it's "really fast and [she] just got it and it's silver and it's really exciting" and how she likes to take it "skiing or something, you know" or "to the beach" or "by the pool." After pitying her poor friends for having to do their homework at home, she delivers a new classic line: "Yeah, I really love my G4." Okay, Shakespeare it ain't, but it's the delivery that counts. The earnestness practically drips off the soundtrack.

Now, since we're generally so far out of the loop that said loop looks like a Cheerio from way out here, we figure it's entirely possible that we're the last ones to hear about this alternate commercial, but a few quick Googlings of appropriate words and phrases didn't turn up anything relevant except for the "Homework" page itself, so unless you're a regular reader of the Cult of Mac blog (you should be), there's a slim chance that you're hearing it from us first. If so, we're pleased as punch to send you plunging into the next wave of Feissmania with thirty more seconds of low-key video bliss. Truly, it's an honor.

Interestingly, this doubled dose of Feiss from the heavens is just one Lost Switch Ad among many (although unless there's one by God or Joss Whedon, it's by far the most significant). Cult of Mac notes that Morris "shot between 70 and 100 Switch ads for Apple that never aired"; there are several on his web site alongside the Ellen Mark II, the most noteworthy probably being ones featuring Christopher Guest, Perry Farrell, and Wanda Sykes. There are also what appear to be alternate ads (we couldn't confirm; at broadcast time, Morris's site was getting stomped into pulp by frantic Feiss fans eager for a new fix) featuring various Switch alumni, such as Yo-Yo Ma, Will Farrell, Morris's son Hamilton, and-- gulp-- Gianni Jacklone, easily the one Switch star who generated the most complaints to us here at the AtAT compound. Wouldja believe there are no fewer than five Jacklone commercials up there?

Oh, and sorry, folks; we get five Jacklones but no more Janie Porche. Actually, that's probably a good thing, because an extra minute of Feiss and Porche may well have done us in for good. But at least we wouldn't gone out with smiles on our faces.