Gee, all this time we were worried about the fate of the Macworld Expo on our own East Coast, and now it turns out we should have directed our brooding uneasiness a lot farther east than just the Atlantic Ocean. Faithful viewer popart passed along a MacUser article which confirms that Macworld Expo Tokyo is no more. Dead. Finished. Kaput. That's right, kids: that particular trade show is now an Ex-Expo. A moment of silence, please, before the deafening roar of shock and disbelief.

What happened, you ask? We'll tell you what happened. What happened is that Apple felt like saving a few million bucks (because, as we all know, when you've only got four billion in the bank, every penny counts) and nonchalantly informed the conference's organizers that it wouldn't actually be showing up next year. When word got out that Apple wasn't attending, a whole slew of other companies (among them such heavy hitters as Microsoft, Adobe, and Macromedia) decided to pull out, too. Suddenly the show was too empty to support its own weight, and IDG pulled the plug a few weeks back. (Interestingly enough, IDG doesn't appear to have told anybody about this minor change of plans; there's no notice on its web site, and Macworld Tokyo 2003 is still listed on the Events page-- although its link mysteriously brings up the Macworld Tokyo 2002 page.)

This whole mess does appear to confirm our long-held suspicions that the Macworld Expo Boston hullabaloo (in which Apple waited to issue its "Move the show from New York to Boston and we're out" ultimatum until after the deals had been inked) had nothing at all to do with IDG "no longer investing in New York," as Apple implied in its ambush-tactic press statement; now that the company has bailed on Tokyo as well, it's pretty clear that all that anti-Boston posturing was just a convenient excuse to pull out of the summer show altogether. Gee, and here we thought it was because Steve just didn't want to be anywhere near us. At least it's nothing personal.

Unfortunately, the apparent indifference with which Apple allowed the Tokyo show to crumble into dust doesn't bode well at all for the summer Macworld Expo-- or, indeed, for the city of Boston, which was really looking forward to getting its biggest trade show back after that 1998 defection to the Big Apple. Make no mistake, Japan is a hugely important market for Apple, and since the company was perfectly willing to deep-six its only major trade show there, you can bet that the summer Expo is also totally expendable in Apple's eyes, since it's always played second fiddle to the January gig in San Francisco. At this point, we can't see Apple attending the summer show unless IDG pays them-- and IDG may have to, if it wants to keep Macworld Expo Boston from self-immolating à la Macworld Tokyo.

Personally, we're keeping the marshmallows close at hand, because we get the distinct feeling that pretty soon we'll have the flaming carcass of another Expo over which to roast them. Mmmmm, sticky!

Are you shopping for a new iPod this holiday season? If you are, that's not a huge surprise; it is, after all, one seriously kickin' device, and it's hauled in something like 2.3 rave reviews per minute since its debut a little over a year ago. Nobody who uses one can help but wax poetic about its many merits, and ever since Windows-compatible models arrived earlier this year, even Wintel-centric publications (who previously wouldn't have gone near an Apple-branded product even if it had been licked thoroughly by Bill Gates himself) found themselves tripping all over themselves in the rush to sing the iPod's many praises. So if you are shopping for an iPod, the biggest surprise is that you don't own one already.

No matter; maybe cash has been tight, or maybe you're one of those blessed souls who's actually buying someone else an iPod as a gift. For whatever reason, you're looking for a 'Pod, and given the fact that the economy still resembles something one's chronically ill cat coughs up in the middle of the night, you probably want to find the absolute best deal possible. Let's assume for the moment that you aren't up for scoring a free iPod by getting nominated for an Oscar or buying a motorcycle. So where do you turn to get the lowest price on Apple's toothsome lil' music box? Um, well, according to the MacObserver, you turn to Dell. Irony, thy name is "dude"...

No, really, we're serious; Dell is currently selling 5 GB, 10 GB, and 20 GB iPods for 10% off the list price. That breaks down to prices of $269.10, $359.10, and $449.10 respectively. Compare those prices to the ones you'll find at the Apple Store and you'll notice that Dell is saving you enough cash to pick up a bitchin' Dude CD case, a way stylin' Dude cap, and maybe a Dude t-shirt or three. And did we mention that shipping is free?

There are a couple of catches that come along with this deal. The first is that, surprisingly enough, Dell only sells iPods for Windows. We know, we know-- you could have knocked us over with a feather when we heard. But here's the thing: out of the box, a Windows iPod won't work with a Mac, but Apple's own iPod FAQ notes that "if you purchased an iPod for Windows, you can easily reformat it to work on your Mac"; apparently the procedure is as simple as plugging it into a Mac's FireWire port and running the iPod Software Updater. When you're done, the Windows iPod's hard disk will have been reformatted as a good ol' HFS+ volume, and you're all set.

The other catch with buying your iPod from Dell, of course, is that you'll be, um, well, buying your iPod from Dell. But trust us-- a little irony never hurt anyone. Much, anyway.

And thus does the first Microsoft Office Beauty Pageant wind to a close. Oh, sure, we're well aware that some sites, most notably MacDailyNews, are conscientiously objecting to this "feeble publicity sleepfest" by ignoring the contest altogether-- or, at least, publishing an article about how they're ignoring it, which is a commendable accomplishment in paradoxical behavior if ever we saw one-- but we figure, hey, this kind of stuff is our bread and butter over here in the melodrama biz, so we're picking up this ball and running with it.

And so, the envelope please! Faithful viewer Killswitch informs us that Redmond has crowned the lovely and talented Alissa Salmore the first reigning Ms. M.o.X.i.e. because of her (ahem) "commendable determination, creativity, business savvy, and her use of her Mac and Office for Mac." Only the truly cynical would comment that she's got a real purty smile, too.

Don't get us wrong-- we're sure that Ms. Salmore is indeed a highly intelligent and motivated individual, and that, crude commentary in various forums notwithstanding, her win had nothing whatsoever to do with her being among the most photogenic of the finalists. Note, also, that entering such an insultingly conceived contest in the first place may reveal a fine-tuned sense of irony instead of a total lack of shame. (For the record, if any of us had qualified, we'd have entered because of the lack of shame thing. C'mon, we're talking about ten grand and a free iMac, here. For fifty bucks we'd put our face in their soup and blow.)

Therefore, we'd like to extend our heartfelt and not-at-all-sarcastic (really!) congratulations to Ms. Salmore, and not just in the hopes that she'll cut us in on the cash. She wins the aforementioned ten thousand clams, a new iMac loaded up with Microsoft Office, and-- most importantly of all-- "the Ms. M.o.X.i.e. title," with which she'll be well-equipped to bring about world peace, end hunger, and cure all known disease by the end of her reign. (Does she get a tiara? Because if she doesn't, really, what's the point?)

And so we can close the book on this tale of outmoded beauty-pageant tastelessness, heated debates on the nature of sexism, and forced acronyms ("Microsoft Office v. X Integrated Experience"? Puh-LEEZE)-- at least, until Microsoft decides to do this again. Just in case this turns into an annual thing, girls, make sure you start primping (and improving your "gutsy determination") now-- and you might want to drop five pounds in case Microsoft takes the obvious next step and adds a swimsuit competition.