May the powers that be have mercy on us all for allowing society to reach this nadir instead of simply putting it out of its misery first: not only was Microsoft's ill-conceived and insulting-on-oh-so-many-levels Ms. M.o.X.i.e. contest not a joke, but faithful viewer Dave now informs us that voting is now open for 'net denizens to choose a winner from among ten finalists. Which, means, we surmise, that the company was able to scrape up at least ten "savvy businesswomen" just brimming over with "gutsy determination" who felt that entering said contest wasn't driving the final nail into the coffin of all that's tasteful and pure in the world. (Microsoft is nothing if not resourceful.)

Ironically enough, when originally satirizing the contest, we facetiously suggested that Microsoft require each entrant to provide an 8x10 glossy-- you know, to prove that their determination was "gutsy" enough for a pageant of this caliber. So what do we find now? There really is a head shot of each finalist, complete with "come hither" look (though some of the ladies' looks are coming hitherer than others). Indeed, despite the fact that Microsoft tells us to vote for the woman who best exemplifies "originality of business practice," "proven success," "agility and business insight," "illustrated use of Macintosh and a version of Office for Mac," and "overall achievement as a smart and determined businesswoman," the voting page itself simply lists the finalists' ten names and their accompanying photos; you need to click links to find anything out about the women other than what they look like. Unless, of course, that photo of Jessica Alpert-Goldman inspires you to say "Wow, check out her business acumen! I wouldn't mind testing her 'agility,' if you know what I mean!"

Frankly, we're having a little trouble picking a winner. When asked "what she'd do if she were crowned Ms. M.o.X.i.e.," not one of the finalists-- not one, mind you-- used the phrase "world peace" even once in her answer. We might have been able to overlook that grievous pageant sin if any of them had at least pledged to "rid the world of well-meaning but misguided and innovation-stifling antitrust legislation," but alas, none of that, either. What's more, none of the finalists appears to be romantically linked to a much-older celebrity, which we assumed was a prerequisite, judging by Microsoft's choice to employ erstwhile Seinfeld teenage kuddle-kitten Shoshanna Lonstein as the Ms. M.o.X.i.e. poster girl. And here's the real disappointment: none of the finalists' photos is a clip art image! Given that this is a Microsoft contest, we were sure that at least seven of the ten finalists would look exactly like this chick. Go figure.

But since we feel a duty to endorse a single finalist in this epic battle of feminine business savvy (Gambling? Us? Never!), we decided to pick a winner the old-fashioned way: we threw a dart at the page of winners. In hindsight, we probably should have printed it out first, but nobody's perfect. Anyway, we're pleased to announced that AtAT is officially backing Ms. Cindy LaBreacht of LaBreacht Design. Good luck, Cindy-- and if you win in part because of our virtually unbounded influence on the voting public, would you consider spending some of that $10,000 prize money on a new Cinema Display for the AtAT compound? Our current one seems to have a hole in it for some reason.