Okay, granted, it's not exactly as heart-stoppingly significant as the whole "celebrity signatures on iPods" development, but we suspect there's at least a smidgen of drama to be extracted from Apple's latest tussle with Those Who Leak. No, that's not a bathroom joke (though such things are by no means beneath us-- our humor tests at a third grade level and we couldn't be prouder); we're talking about Apple's ongoing campaign to crucify, incarcerate, wreck the credit ratings of, smear grape jelly on, and otherwise make life generally unpleasant for any employees willing to violate the sanctity of the NDA by revealing product info to the unwashed masses before Uncle Steve gets to spring his big surprise.

If you remember the Worker Bee fracas from a couple of years back, then you're well-primed for this most recent development: faithful viewer Jailhouse Smythe reports that Apple yesterday slapped a former contract employee with a civil suit, alleging that Jose Lopez spilled the beans on the Power Mac, presumably by posting those spy photos that surfaced last July. CNET notes that Apple seeks "compensatory and exemplary damages, attorneys' fees and an injunction restraining Lopez from releasing future product information." However, one wonders how Apple expects Lopez to steal and release more trade secrets from Apple while the guy's in stir.

See, this sordid mess goes slightly beyond the Worker Bee paradigm of "sue the pants off those who would betray us"; according to an Associated Press article, in addition to Apple's civil suit, Mr. Lopez also has to contend with honest-to-goodness criminal charges. That's right, folks, last week the district attorney in Sacramento charged that he "did knowingly and willfully, and with the intent to appropriate a trade secret to his own use and the use of another, steal, take and carry away and use without authorization a trade secret, to wit: schematic drawings and engineering details of the Power Mac G4, belonging to Apple Computer Inc." The DA then "issued a warrant for his arrest." Ooooh, that can't be good.

Call us cynics, but we're going to go out on a limb here and guess that the DA wouldn't have sicced the cops on Jose "The Leak" Lopez unless Steve Jobs had applied a certain amount of... persuasion. We're not sure what sort of penalty that crime carries if Lopez is convicted, but if "Hang 'Em High" Steve and his Reality Distortion Field are anywhere in the vicinity of the judge when the sentencing comes down, we're guessing twenty-five to life. Gosh, we wonder how the other inmates treat intellectual property thieves in the Silicon Valley Big House? Something tells us that product squealers rank a notch or two beneath puppy kickers when it comes to deciding whom to pummel. Helpful hint for Mr. Lopez: a sharpened bedspring makes for a handy makeshift shiv!

Hmmm, tossing leakers in the slammer nary a month before Macworld Expo... you don't suppose Apple's trying to send a message or anything, do you? (We love the lil' goobers, but subtle they ain't.) Well, we're going to look on the bright side and take this as a sign that Big Things™ are coming in January-- things that Apple wants to keep even more secret than usual until then. And assuming no one decides to risk jail time telling anyone about them, we're perfectly content to wait it out for another few weeks.