Heavens to Murgatroyd-- we really thought we'd finally driven a stake through the heart of all that largely-unfounded Apple-AMD speculation, but evidently this is one rumor with legs, because the fans simply refuse to let it die. The latest chapter in this ongoing saga surfaces in the form of an interview with Hector Ruiz, AMD's CEO, who talked to eWEEK about the future of 64-bit computing. As noted by MacNN, Ruiz flat out states that he's seen "no indication" that Apple is even considering AMD processors for the future of the Mac platform-- which one might think would further prove that the HammerMac proponents are just caught up in a pipe dream from which they refuse to awaken, right?

Wrong! You fail to underestimate the power of a persistent rumor, Grasshopper. While Ruiz himself states that the only thing he's heard about an Apple-AMD partnership is "rumors going around," he does acknowledge that at some point Apple is going to want to take the Mac to a 64-bit processing platform, and he astutely points out that Steve Jobs is about as likely to slap a hot, slow Itanium onto a Mac motherboard as he is to polish his teeth with an industrial belt-sander. That leaves Apple two alternatives: an AMD chip, or a 64-bit PowerPC processor. Pop quiz, kiddies! Given that IBM has already publicly released details about its 64-bit PowerPC 970, which of those two scenarios do you consider more likely?

But eWEEK pushes still further: "So they're not in talks with you, they're not evaluating the [AMD] chip as far as you know?" And this is where all hell breaks loose: Ruiz replies, "If they were I couldn't tell you, and if they're not I shouldn't tell you." In other words, folks, the CEO of AMD has gone on the record and denied the existence of even the most tentative beginnings of an Apple-AMD partnership-- but he didn't deny it vehemently, and as we all know, when it comes to rumors like this, heck, that's as good as a confirmation.

Look, there are actually people out there so bent on the Apple-AMD rumors that they're still trying to explain away the apparent miscapitalization of "Amd support" on a certain Jaguar features page. (As it turns out, there's no need, folks-- it's listed as "AMD support" on this page instead. Go wild.) Ruiz's "If I knew, I couldn't tell you" comments can only fuel that fire. What can we say? This is shaping up to be another "Disney's Buying Apple," with one notable exception: the Disney deal is really going to happen. Any day now. Seriously, we can feel it.

It's one thing when your choice of a company name is under fire by a pack of litigious ex-Beatles, but it's apparently a whole different kettle of fish when the shoe's on the other foot. While you're unmixing that metaphor, take a gander at this recent article in The Australian, which describes Apple's successful attempt to get Apple Communications to change its name. Not only did Apple (our Apple) get Apple (that other Apple) to rechristen itself as Green Communications, but it also managed to collect $100,000 AUS in damages in the process. That's not a bad haul, just for having named itself first.

Now, we're well aware that the expected knee-jerk response from anybody in the Mac community should be something about how Apple's legal team is out of control and now they're even trying to prevent anyone else from using the word "apple" unless they pay to license it first, but we have to say, we're siding squarely with Apple on this one. Australian IT facetiously suggests that Apple's lawyers may next target the Apple International Motor Inn or the Apple Carpet Cleaning Co., but the simple fact of the matter is, Apple needs to protect its trademark within its sphere of business. Appl-- er, Green Communications bigwig Daniel Cheng says, "I sell digital communications and they sell computer hardware. Where's the connection?"

Well, Daniel, the connection is that telecom and computers probably aren't very far apart in the mind of the Average Bruce. Plus, Apple Computer doesn't just sell computers; it's been peddling various obliquely telecomesque services on and off like .Mac and eWorld since... well, probably AppleLink back in the '80s. So while it's not terribly likely that anyone would reasonably assume that Apple had branched out into the lucrative fields of motor lodging and rug shampooing, there was a definite risk that consumers would have thought that the erstwhile Apple Communications was in fact a division of Apple Computer. Indeed, an Australian Slashdot reader confirms that he has "often seen people casually confusing the huge computer company and the micro-Telco." Another reader confirms this, and posits that Apple (again, our Apple) may well have been incurring expenses caused by Apple Communications customers calling Apple Computer's help line; we figure that's where the damages come in.

So, in short, we really don't see this as a case of Apple Legal throwing its weight around simply for the fun of torturing a much smaller company. This was a valid complaint on Apple's part, and the name change was a reasonable demand to make of Apple Communications; in this case, the fun of torturing a much smaller company was purely a bonus.

Meanwhile, we figure that Apple Computer, Inc,'s next target should be this "Apple Computers" mentioned twice in the article; we've never seen such a clear-cut case of trademark infringement. Sic 'em, fellas!

"Say, AtAT," some of you folks on the same wavelength as faithful viewer Steve Steuber are asking, "whatever happened with that special Day-After-Thanksgiving holiday bash that was scheduled to take place last Friday in Apple's retail stores?" Well, folks, it's like this: anything we tell you about it is going to be third-hand info. We sort of missed all the festivities, since on Friday at 6 PM we were all still comatose and hibernating to burn off the 1.2 cubic yards of stuffing we had ingested the night before. But based on what we've seen around the 'net, though, the whole affair was a smashing success; indeed, a Dow Jones Business News article we first saw mentioned over at MacMinute quotes Apple's retail czar Ron Johnson as saying that over 365,000 people visited the company's stores last week, making for Apple's bestest retail week ever. Mmmmm, that's good eatin'!

As for what exactly went down at the shindigs, well, prices did, for one. MacMinute has a complete list of the special deals that were available to partygoers until midnight; highlights include Mac OS X 10.2 for $98, iPods for as low as $268, and the immensely nifty 17-inch widescreen iMac for an insanely low $1888-- a substantial $111 off its regular price. Then there were the giveaways, including exclusive wrapping paper and a matching mousepad "designed by renowned artist and graphic designer Rex Ray" which were doled out with any $50 purchase. Swanky.

However, the key to Apple's success wasn't the generous discount on selected merchandise, nor was it the free artsy wrapping paper, nor was it even the virgin sacrifice and blood oath of fealty to the Dark God of Retail that Apple's board of directors performed naked over the former site of the ill-fated Icon Garden at midnight the night before. The real reason why Apple's post-Thanksgiving hootenanny raked in so many shoppers was the stocking stuffers-- to wit, the free Apple "magnetic poetry" sets that will no doubt start to show up on eBay any minute now. Granted, Apple left out some pretty crucial words (such as "mercurial," "turtleneck," and "Evian"), but it's a classy party favor nonetheless, and obviously the root of Apple's massive success. Martha Stewart would be proud, if she weren't so busy coming up with ten ways to make that drab prison cell pop.

But we digress. The moral of the story for Apple is that it's guaranteed retail success as long as it trots out free stuff that sticks to a fridge. It's the first law of retail, baby, and should be etched in stone above the doors of every store in every mall: People Dig Magnets. 'Nuff said. Oh, and about last week being Apple's best retail week ever? This week's still young, and we'd run right out and pick up a six-pack of iBooks if they came with a set of Steve Jobs Dress-Up Magnets.